Bus shelter mentality

I arrived at work at 9.30am this morning.
(Please to remember that the shop opens at 10am).

Man is stood outside peering through the window.

"Ah, at last....About time"

So I let him in, excited by the prospect of seeing some more books
(people who queue outside a closed second hand bookshop early in the morning are ALWAYS selling rather than buying).
He rushes in, and pulls a stool up to the counter and starts whittering away.

I carried on turning on lights etc: trying to open the shop, when he asks me when I am going to stop doing things and listen to him. So I sat down, and asked how I could help.

"Oh I don't want anything....I'm not going to buy anythng .... I have to leave the hostel at 9 am and have no-one to listen to me, so I thought I would come along and chat to you....."

I inwardly sobbed to myself.

Fount of all knowledge

Young man comes into the shop.

"I want to buy a book to learn stuff"

"What sort of Stuff"

You know .... I want a book to teach me things - can you recommend a book that will give me knowledge"

"Knowledge about what exactly ?"

"Oh everything ......I brought my mum a book for Christmas .. It was on Naturamony"

"Naturamony ?"

"You know - Bones and stuff"

"Ah, anatomy ..... Is she a nurse ?"

"No she works in a cafe... But i liked the pictures of bones and stuff.....

"Has she read it ?"

"She's looked at it... Don't think she's read it. ....... David Ike is good isn't he - he talks a lot of sense - who would have thought the royal family are all aliens"

"Well there are some who would question whether everything David Ike says is true"

"No its true, I saw it in a book - he says you have to wear blue to be safe from the aliens. Thats the sort of knowledge I want to learn"

"Ah sir, you will be needing our paranoid consipracy theory bollocks section then"

Stardom

I have been abused with many insults in my short life. Mangy mutt, tatty dog, useless hound etc: etc: But now I have been called a Media Whore - I am deeply insulted.

However, following my tv piece - I have had my first ever item of fanmail ! A nice lady in Havant wants to send me a book to pass on to a good home (I had hoped for biscuits or treats - but a nice letter and a book are better than nothing!) and Fred Dinage said I was a lovely Mutt !!!

Too much information ?

Guy comes in - also the worst for drink (Must be a day for it), and asks if I buy books.
"Sometimes", say I "What sort of books are they"

"Oh I don't know, all sorts" He replied "How much will you pay me for them"

"I would have to see them, it varys from a pound or so, up to a few thousand, usually the former"

"But you must be able to give me some idea - can't you guess?"

Pah.

Windy

Old chap looking distinctly dishevelled, and somewhat worse for drink wanders into the shop.
He asks where the Dylan Thomas is kept.
I show him the appropriate area, and start to help him look for some.
After a few minutes, he comments, "Oh well, I'm not going to buy any, I'm just coming in to shelter from the wind and rain."