Haggling in the Recession.

It may just be me, and a sense of jaded despondency setting in, but I am sure people are haggling more with the recession.

Yesterday I had a chap in, who on finding a Modern First Edition by Malcolm Bradbury, signed by the author and in mint condition, queried the price. Firstly, he tried to pay £4, telling my assistant that the £40 written inside must be an error with an extra zero.

My stalwart young chap pointed out, that Bradbury doesn't sign masses, and that £40 is very reasonable, particularly when it is currently £20 in our half price sale. He then left a message, asking me what I would really accept, as he felt that £20 is very over-priced.

Pah !! Needless to say, he will not be getting a phone call from my offering a more than 50% discount.

What have I done ?

I have recently been setting up a book auction in Salisbury. I thought it would be good to have a decent, high (ish) end sale - with lots starting at around £50 + (so books of retail value of around £100). Am planning to hold it in the Guildhall - so all very classy and nice.

You would think !

My first promise of lots for the auction has come in. This would be very exciting - except that it has come from a gent who regularly tries to sell me old National Geographic magazines and Reader's Digest condensed volumes - and who will not believe me that neither are saleable.

Do you think he will offer me incunabula ?

Final Thanks

Finally - thank you to the thieving little toe-rag who stole a chequebook from a bag in our private area, and has helped himself to £800 from my account.

Yep - thanks, it makes bills so much easier to deal with when I am £800 poorer.

Fortunately, the police couldn't stop laughing at what a stupid idiot he was, for writing the cheques and paying the money straight into his own bank account.

Mr Darren Streeter, your next court date is on me.

Even More Thanks

To the "gentleman" who on finding a First Edition from the 1930's, with pictorial end papers but missing a blank page before the half title, decided to haggle.

"how much for this book"

"Well sir, it is normally only £6, as it is missing a blank, so in the sale it is £3"

"so how much will you knock off for me because of the blank missing"

"No sir, that is why it is normally £6 rather than £10-15. at the moment it is £3."

"So you won't do it for £2 for me, or give me another book of similar age so that I can remove a blank page and bind it into this one"

I declined. (Then had a row with him a few hours later when he accosted me in a shop in town, to tell me loudly how extortionate my books are).

More Thanks

To the lady who selected a book (having cast lots of others around rummaging car boot style) and when told that it was usually £20, so currently £10 in our half price sale, asked for trade discount, as she is a dealer.

"But madam, trade discount is usually 20%, and we are currently offering 50% off"

Yes, so I expect 20% off the half price".

I politely declined, and asked her what sort of books she deals in.

"Oh I don't touch books, I am a antique jewellery dealer".

Hmmm.

Thank You

A big thank you to the kind man who donated a box of "books" to our shop when I wasn't here. It is always nice to be supported and appreciated in our local community. This chap regularly tells me how he has lots of incunabula that he will dispose of one day.

Sadly, this box was entirely composed of free estate agents house details from about 5 years ago, some free NHS leaflets on repeat prescriptions, an empty cake box (crushed) and an empty packet of crisps (crumpled). Yep, many many thanks.

No Escape

I was driving home from work a couple of days ago - having worked hard all day polishing my leather and pricing my portfolios, when the 6pm news came onto Radio 4.

Bearing in mind that this is the National news, I was somewhat irritated to hear my friends at Oxfam getting the following 2 minute news item.

Apparently a shop managed to sell a copy of Sylvia Plath's "Ariel" for £350. After a discussion about the bookshop, there were quotes from Oxfam saying how this was a vast amount of money and would do a tremendous amount of good for the poor of the world.

Quite apart for the tiny percentage of this that will get anywhere near any needy recipient - since when did the sale of a £350 book make the main National news of the day ? I wish I had their marketing and PR department - no wonder it costs them 15% of charity income.

Department Store

"Are these Christmas Decorations for sale ?"

"No madam, they are our Christmas decorations"

"What about this Buddha Statue ?"

"No madam, just the books are for sale"

"So its only the books then ?"

"Yes Madam"

"That's a pity" as she walks out.

Tarzan and the Irritating Idiot

"Do you have any tarzan books ?"

"Yes sir, we have early editions here, they are £4 pounds each"

"Oh good - well that's good to know. I won't buy them as I have brought something recently."

Not a chance in hell !

"Hello"

Quoth the merry chap, clutching a book he had brought from a charity shop (pah)

"I know you do internet sales... Would you wrap this up and post it to my brother, its his christmas present".....

No prizes for guessing my response.

more wasting of time

"Hello, I have been searching for a book for 50 years, it's Ballantyne, the Gorilla Hunters. I had a copy as a boy. When I left for national service, my mother gave it away. I've been looking for it ever since - I doubt you will be able to help me, nobody has been able to."

"Yes sir, we have a 1907 copy here, in excellent condition for £4"

"Oh have you......"

Can anyone fill in what happened next ?

Mission Accomplished

"Hello, Do you stock miniature books"

"Yes Madam, they are in this cabinet here..."

"Oh I don't want to look at them. I am going to see my aunt at Christmas, and I want to be able to tell her I looked for them."

Walks out of shop into Dante's 13th circle of hell (reserved for timewasters).

Rubbing it in Even More

Most people who know me, are aware that Oxfam are my least favourite charity (at least in part because of their rampant destruction of the book trade). The local Oxfam Bookshop have almost managed to bankrupt us, but I am still hanging on in there. I had two conversations with the manager of the bookshop.

In the first, he was bemoaning his lot - having to deal with so many donations of useless books - "And they know they are useless - they shouldn't be donating them to us - we only want saleable books". Apparently I didn't understand how hard it was dealing with this each day. I pointed out, that most of the people donating to him, have already tried to get money from me for the same books, and are outraged when I can't pay for them - so yes, I understand, but think he is being ungrateful. As a seriously struggling bookshop, we would love to be able to take several hundred pounds of income each day from purely donated books - but sadly - we have to pay for every book we get.

The second phone call was because a woman had arrived with a pile of saleable books - but they didn't have room to take them in. I thought he was about to suggest we received them - but no, he wanted to know if i had the phone number for another book charity that operates on the towm - as he felt they were good enough for them to make a fair bit from them.

My face feels as if it has been well and trully rubbed in it !!!

Lost in Translation

A woman walks into the shop, and asks for Mike Mc somebody. I tell her that we have no-one of that name.

"But you must have. i was listening to Radio Four, and they were saying how this chap worked for Connected Books of Salisbury, and that he was very good at finding rare books".

"No madam, there is no bookshop of that name here - we are now one of only two bookshops in the whole County."

"It must be here - I was listening very carefully"

"Madam, do you like that perhaps they were talking about a gentleman from a bookshop in Salisbury Conneticut ?"

"Oh no - I wouldn't make a mistake like that.

Thick skins

Chap comes in. He has been a pain in the neck for a long time - always wanting discounts, free books etc:

He recently ordered two books - then decided he only wanted one of them - costing me £20.

"I'd like you to order me in a book"

"I'm not very keen after last time"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I got you two books - and you only paid for one. The other cost me money and I can only sell it for a fraction of this"

"Well that's not my problem - I took one of them"

"Yes but you ordered two - I have to buy books in - I can't get them on approval"

"Just send it back and say you've changed your mind"

"But i haven't changed my mind - and I can't just return books because customers are unreliable - there is postage to be paid in each direction"

"Not my problem - now are you going to order this book for me?"

..............I don't think i will be seeing him again.

Free Valuations

Friendly voice from a neighbouring town (30 miles away) called.

"afternoon - I'd like you to come and value my books"

"Are they for sale"

"No, I'd just like to know their value"

"well we would have to charge you a fair bit of money to drive out and do that"

"Oh, don't you do it for free ? I'm not willing to pay anything for it. Won't you just come and tell me what they are worth?"

Hmmmm.

Don't rub it in.

chap walks in and stands at the door. I've never seen him before. He doesn't actually bother looking at the shelves.

"Good morning" he says, "I hear an Oxfam bookshop has opened up, can you tell me where it is please ?"

I just told him - I couldn't even be bothered to rant about how they are destroying the book trade. I must be losing it.

Change of Mind

Chap walks in and asks "I gave away a book a year ago - can you tell me what its worth now please."

Letter from America

This is a real email I received recently.
I don’t even need to comment.

“I was in Salisbury about a year ago and bought a book in your store, only to accidentally leave it on the plane. I was so disappointed. I cannot remember the name of the book, but it had a black cover, I
do believe. It was a Juvenile’s book. I very much want to order this
book. Can you suggest to me which one it might be? Thanks! S__ T___, U.S.A.”

Cheap and (sometimes) cheerful

A big thank you to the American book dealer, who requested a trade discount on a 50p book, and that it be sent at cost, as they didn't agree with making money on postage.

Sadly I don't agree with selling to them - so the book has been thrown away !!!