Saturday, December 30, 2006

Some people are never satisfied

So here i am, polishing my leather with gay abandon, when a chap walks in.
He starts with the preliminary junk about "Do you Sell books" (No its a library you Muppet, of course I sell books. Or at least try to)
Then announces that he needs a copy of a woodcut. Particularly, it must be mid eighteenth century, by a botanical artist rather than an illustrator, and must be of an Oak leaf, and an acorn.

This sounds fairly specific to me - so it is with joy in my heart, and a slightly smug and self satisfied spring in my step that I go straight to the "Illustrators of Oak Leaves" department, where I find a perfect original print of an Oak Leaf, botanically produced, with an acorn to the side and a cross section of both Leaf and Acorn (let me know If I am boring you!!). Beautiful condition, printed in 1750 (For the less historical of you, the is about as "middle of the Eighteenth Century" as it is possible to get). And best of all, £4.

I show this to the chap. Of course you have already figured what is coming next........."It's not quite what I had in mind"

I can now feel a wave of the Little Britain Shop of Horrors sketch floating over me. It was all I could do to resist shouting at him "What the f*&&K do you mean it's not what you had in mind - Not Oaky enough for you? Want something a little less Acorny? Leave now you twisted twat and encumber by bookshop no more with your fetid presence" but I settled with a "Sorry that's the best I can do".

(Sobs sadly into his coffee mug and dreams of normal people.)

By the way - I was offered a book on Porcelain Pot Lids today!! I refused to buy it our of spite!


Arcarhia said...

Yay, porcelain pot lids...I'd have bought it.

silver_flight said...

For shame, Mr Mitchell! If you think that this blatant copying and pasting could even come close to passing for an update, you are entirely mistaken. I demand contrition!!


Mitchell Mutt said...

contrite contrite
Actually - just trying to bring this blog up with all of the old ones - so that all the book rants live in one place.
Thats my story and I be stickin' to it like a dog sticks to a bone.