chap walks in and stands at the door. I've never seen him before. He doesn't actually bother looking at the shelves.
"Good morning" he says, "I hear an Oxfam bookshop has opened up, can you tell me where it is please ?"
I just told him - I couldn't even be bothered to rant about how they are destroying the book trade. I must be losing it.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Change of Mind
Chap walks in and asks "I gave away a book a year ago - can you tell me what its worth now please."
Letter from America
This is a real email I received recently.
I don’t even need to comment.
“I was in Salisbury about a year ago and bought a book in your store, only to accidentally leave it on the plane. I was so disappointed. I cannot remember the name of the book, but it had a black cover, I
do believe. It was a Juvenile’s book. I very much want to order this
book. Can you suggest to me which one it might be? Thanks! S__ T___, U.S.A.”
I don’t even need to comment.
“I was in Salisbury about a year ago and bought a book in your store, only to accidentally leave it on the plane. I was so disappointed. I cannot remember the name of the book, but it had a black cover, I
do believe. It was a Juvenile’s book. I very much want to order this
book. Can you suggest to me which one it might be? Thanks! S__ T___, U.S.A.”
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Cheap and (sometimes) cheerful
A big thank you to the American book dealer, who requested a trade discount on a 50p book, and that it be sent at cost, as they didn't agree with making money on postage.
Sadly I don't agree with selling to them - so the book has been thrown away !!!
Sadly I don't agree with selling to them - so the book has been thrown away !!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Car Wreck
I was reminded of this yesterday - although it happened about a year ago.
Innocently driving home, and about half a mile from the shop, I managed to ram a truck, and although there were no injuries, I managed to write off my car. Friendly canine was on the back seat howling at all the fuss outside. Van driver is not too happy that his truck has a large dent in the side, and the police have arrived to get the street moving again.
In the midst of all this, a man walks up to me with a plastic bag.
"You've save me a trip, I was just on the way to see if you would buy these books"
"Not at the moment, I am a little tied up..."
"Won't you just have a quick look at them"
I shan't type what I said - but he hasn't been into the shop since (And that is no loss !!)
Innocently driving home, and about half a mile from the shop, I managed to ram a truck, and although there were no injuries, I managed to write off my car. Friendly canine was on the back seat howling at all the fuss outside. Van driver is not too happy that his truck has a large dent in the side, and the police have arrived to get the street moving again.
In the midst of all this, a man walks up to me with a plastic bag.
"You've save me a trip, I was just on the way to see if you would buy these books"
"Not at the moment, I am a little tied up..."
"Won't you just have a quick look at them"
I shan't type what I said - but he hasn't been into the shop since (And that is no loss !!)
Waiting for Sales
One of my more irritating customers (I use the term through gritted teeth - not sure he has ever actually bought anything)was drooling over a book I had just put out yesterday. A first edition hardback in mint wrapper, on farming in England. A whole £5.
"Oh this is lovely" he slobbered. "If you still have it in January, I'll snatch your hand off for it in your half price sale"
"Oh this is lovely" he slobbered. "If you still have it in January, I'll snatch your hand off for it in your half price sale"
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Royal Rubbish
Man walks in with a carrier bag full of newspapers and puts them on the counter and asks for a valuation.
"I'm sorry, we don't buy newspapers"
"But you haven't even looked at them"
"I can see they are newspapers, and we don't buy newspapers"
"But these aren't newspapers, they have articles and front pages on the royal family"
"That makes them worse - as a fervent Republican who would shoot the lot of them just after the politicians and before the clergy, I have moral objections to books on the land and title grabbing aristocracy"
"Royalty are very popular with collectors"
"Not in this shop - I can only sell royal items that are early Victorian or before - perhaps 1850 or earlier".
"Yes, some of these are that old, look...." (Pulls out a 1956 newspaper with an aricle on Queen Elizabeth).
"Is that the oldest"
".......Yes"
"hmmmm"
(He gathers his bags and exits stage left)
(Only one of these lines has been made up)
"I'm sorry, we don't buy newspapers"
"But you haven't even looked at them"
"I can see they are newspapers, and we don't buy newspapers"
"But these aren't newspapers, they have articles and front pages on the royal family"
"That makes them worse - as a fervent Republican who would shoot the lot of them just after the politicians and before the clergy, I have moral objections to books on the land and title grabbing aristocracy"
"Royalty are very popular with collectors"
"Not in this shop - I can only sell royal items that are early Victorian or before - perhaps 1850 or earlier".
"Yes, some of these are that old, look...." (Pulls out a 1956 newspaper with an aricle on Queen Elizabeth).
"Is that the oldest"
".......Yes"
"hmmmm"
(He gathers his bags and exits stage left)
(Only one of these lines has been made up)
All at Sea
"Hello, we have three books on the Royal Navy, how much would you pay for them"
"Have you got them with you ?"
"Oh no, they are much too heavy"
"Who are they by"
"Don't know, we've never read them"
"And the titles ?"
"No idea"
"Well are they part of a set, or are they individual books ?"
"How are we supposed to know - I told you we hadn't read them...."
"Have you got them with you ?"
"Oh no, they are much too heavy"
"Who are they by"
"Don't know, we've never read them"
"And the titles ?"
"No idea"
"Well are they part of a set, or are they individual books ?"
"How are we supposed to know - I told you we hadn't read them...."
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Random violence
Elderly chap in tweed and burgundy cords marches into the shop, walks to the counter and raps his cane on the desk.
"How's business then ?"
"Oh fine - and how much is your pension paying you each week ?"
(One day I will have the nerve to say rather than think it).
"Get yourself a gun or a damn heavy shillaleagh. Its going to get ugly out there. The plebs don't realise how bad things are going to get. They'll be riots. Better prepare yourself"
And marches out.
"How's business then ?"
"Oh fine - and how much is your pension paying you each week ?"
(One day I will have the nerve to say rather than think it).
"Get yourself a gun or a damn heavy shillaleagh. Its going to get ugly out there. The plebs don't realise how bad things are going to get. They'll be riots. Better prepare yourself"
And marches out.
Indigestible
"Hello, I'd like you to give me a valuation please for these Reader's Digest Condensed Volumes"
"Am afraid they have no value at all, you can't even give them away"
"Even though they are first editions ?"
"But they aren't first editions madam, they are Reader's Digest"
"But the are First Edition Thus - first Reader's Digest issue"
"So that makes them a re-print madam"
"Even though they are covered in mock leather covers ?"
"I'm afraid fake leather doesn't enhance value madam, it takes real leather for that"
"So no value then"
"Not even charity shops can sell them madam"
"Well i'll take them to a charity shop then"
I wouldn't mind so much, but quoting first edition and first thus at me - she obviously understands the terms and what they mean.
Humpf.
"Am afraid they have no value at all, you can't even give them away"
"Even though they are first editions ?"
"But they aren't first editions madam, they are Reader's Digest"
"But the are First Edition Thus - first Reader's Digest issue"
"So that makes them a re-print madam"
"Even though they are covered in mock leather covers ?"
"I'm afraid fake leather doesn't enhance value madam, it takes real leather for that"
"So no value then"
"Not even charity shops can sell them madam"
"Well i'll take them to a charity shop then"
I wouldn't mind so much, but quoting first edition and first thus at me - she obviously understands the terms and what they mean.
Humpf.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Helpful Soul
Following a phone call from a charity shop (No not Oxfam) about a book, a woman arrived at the shop with the "ancient volume" for me to value on their behalf. Of course this was a completely dead 1960's piece of worthless tat, but never mind.
Having told her this (Very gently) I was about to return to my work when she commented that she had another 3 crates of books in her car outside for me to look at.
Although I nearly began my "Charity shops are bankrupting me" rant, I thought I would just be nice, and look at them for her. So i went out, and rummaged through the boxes, and gave her a few suggested prices for the better books, and suggested that she give the rest to a charity shop she didn't like.
Although it is tempting to leave this as a tale of the presumption and cheek of the charity sector, sadly due to my policy of truth and honesty I can't.
She produced a box of chocolates and big thanks for my time. I felt most touched, and only afterwards wondered who would have eaten the chocolates if I hadn't agreed to go out and value the crates of books.
But please local charities - don't take this as a suggestion that you all come along with you books for me to value. With 22 charity shops in the town centre, I wouldn't have time to do anything else.
Having told her this (Very gently) I was about to return to my work when she commented that she had another 3 crates of books in her car outside for me to look at.
Although I nearly began my "Charity shops are bankrupting me" rant, I thought I would just be nice, and look at them for her. So i went out, and rummaged through the boxes, and gave her a few suggested prices for the better books, and suggested that she give the rest to a charity shop she didn't like.
Although it is tempting to leave this as a tale of the presumption and cheek of the charity sector, sadly due to my policy of truth and honesty I can't.
She produced a box of chocolates and big thanks for my time. I felt most touched, and only afterwards wondered who would have eaten the chocolates if I hadn't agreed to go out and value the crates of books.
But please local charities - don't take this as a suggestion that you all come along with you books for me to value. With 22 charity shops in the town centre, I wouldn't have time to do anything else.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Returns Policy
Telephone call from a lady
"Hello can I have the address to return a book please"
Having given her the address - I asked which book and what the problem is.
"Oh I can't remember, I buy so many - I brought it a month or two ago, but I haven't opened the parcel"
"Well why are you returning it"
"Oh i just don't want it any more...."
Hmmmm.
"Hello can I have the address to return a book please"
Having given her the address - I asked which book and what the problem is.
"Oh I can't remember, I buy so many - I brought it a month or two ago, but I haven't opened the parcel"
"Well why are you returning it"
"Oh i just don't want it any more...."
Hmmmm.
Persuasion
Chap comes into the shop.
"Hello, I've come to sell these" as he proffers a pile of weekly magazines about the Vietnam war - which build up to make a magnificent collection of the weapons, battles and personalities of the war in 36 weekly parts - beautifully held together in a faux leather binding.
Actually he hadn't bothered with the binding, so it was actually about 30 issues in a genuine plastic bag. (Rare tesco's 1999 edition).
I politely declined on the grounds that I don't buy magazines, and couldn't sell them.
"Go on, they are very good"
"No thank you"
"They are very sought after"
"well if you are such an expert, go and open a f*^*^&g bookshop" (OK so I made that one up - but i did think it)
"You have to take a risk to make money in business, be adventurous"
I pointed out through gritted teeth that buying a pile of rubbish i couldn't sell was not a risk, it was just stupidity, and that for adventure I prefered mountain climbing to buying bags of junk.
"Tell, you what, I'll do you a deal - you take them, and when they sell, give me half the money"
"Nope, I don't sell on commission"
"It's not on commission, i'm giving them to you - just give me half the money when they sell".
I gazed whistfully at the illustrations of AK 47's and daydreamed about the effect of sprinkling napalm over salespeople for a while, then told him to go on his way with his magazines.
"Hello, I've come to sell these" as he proffers a pile of weekly magazines about the Vietnam war - which build up to make a magnificent collection of the weapons, battles and personalities of the war in 36 weekly parts - beautifully held together in a faux leather binding.
Actually he hadn't bothered with the binding, so it was actually about 30 issues in a genuine plastic bag. (Rare tesco's 1999 edition).
I politely declined on the grounds that I don't buy magazines, and couldn't sell them.
"Go on, they are very good"
"No thank you"
"They are very sought after"
"well if you are such an expert, go and open a f*^*^&g bookshop" (OK so I made that one up - but i did think it)
"You have to take a risk to make money in business, be adventurous"
I pointed out through gritted teeth that buying a pile of rubbish i couldn't sell was not a risk, it was just stupidity, and that for adventure I prefered mountain climbing to buying bags of junk.
"Tell, you what, I'll do you a deal - you take them, and when they sell, give me half the money"
"Nope, I don't sell on commission"
"It's not on commission, i'm giving them to you - just give me half the money when they sell".
I gazed whistfully at the illustrations of AK 47's and daydreamed about the effect of sprinkling napalm over salespeople for a while, then told him to go on his way with his magazines.
Friday, September 26, 2008
New Con
"Do you buy back books"
"Well, if we have sold a book, yes, we will generally buy it back"
"Oh good, how much for these ?"
"erm, I don't recognise having sold any of those."
"No, they didn't come from here."
"Ah, well, I won't be buying them back then"
"But you just said you would buy them......"
It went on for a while, but I really can't be bothered to type any more..
"Well, if we have sold a book, yes, we will generally buy it back"
"Oh good, how much for these ?"
"erm, I don't recognise having sold any of those."
"No, they didn't come from here."
"Ah, well, I won't be buying them back then"
"But you just said you would buy them......"
It went on for a while, but I really can't be bothered to type any more..
Paperback Gems
Having asked me what sort of books i liked to buy (i explained i prefered to sell them), the nice lady pulled out a handfull of paperbacks from her shopping trolley.
"I'm sorry, I never buy paperbacks" i explained.
Undeterred, she pulled out a further 5 bags of paperbacks, emptying each on the counter, and plucking the odd tome from the dirty pile with a "What about this one". 7 times more I said "I'm sorry, I never buy paperbacks".
She went off telling me that she would find some more for me to buy.
"I'm sorry, I never buy paperbacks" i explained.
Undeterred, she pulled out a further 5 bags of paperbacks, emptying each on the counter, and plucking the odd tome from the dirty pile with a "What about this one". 7 times more I said "I'm sorry, I never buy paperbacks".
She went off telling me that she would find some more for me to buy.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Free Valuations
Lady walks into the shop clutching a catalogue from the V & A from the 1920's.
"I brought this in a charity shop. I approached the V & A and they want to buy it from me, and have asked me how much I wish to sell it for - what should i ask them for ?"
Of course, this is a woman who has never purchased anything from me in her life !
"I brought this in a charity shop. I approached the V & A and they want to buy it from me, and have asked me how much I wish to sell it for - what should i ask them for ?"
Of course, this is a woman who has never purchased anything from me in her life !
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My knowledge Knows No Bounds
"A friend of mine has reserved a CD in a CD shop, but i don't know which one. Can you tell me where it is please?"
Amazingly, I could.
Omniscience is much underated.
Amazingly, I could.
Omniscience is much underated.
Library Service
I have just caught a chap in the back room who had piled up and moved lots of books so that he could create a writing suface on top of a 3 shelf bookcase. He then started to make copious notes on Roman and Norman coins from one of my nicer Numismatics books.
When i asked if i could help him, he replied "Oh no, I've found what I need. I don't want to buy it, I just want to make notes on some coins I have just got."
Should I grab him by his lapels and fling him bodily into the street before jumping up and down on him shouting "curses on your coins you cheapskate, book borrowing, odourous person" or should i just let him carry on using me as a library reference room ?
I am willing to concede that there may be a middle path !
When i asked if i could help him, he replied "Oh no, I've found what I need. I don't want to buy it, I just want to make notes on some coins I have just got."
Should I grab him by his lapels and fling him bodily into the street before jumping up and down on him shouting "curses on your coins you cheapskate, book borrowing, odourous person" or should i just let him carry on using me as a library reference room ?
I am willing to concede that there may be a middle path !
Lots of Knowledge
I have been offered 4 sets of encyclopaedias today.
There must be some very clever people out there, with all of this knowledge floating around.
There must be some very clever people out there, with all of this knowledge floating around.
Humph
I have just been asked if I would offer a cash discount on a book costing £2.
Like an inverted clown, I laughed inside & looked sad.
Like an inverted clown, I laughed inside & looked sad.
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