A chap phoned up to sell some books recently.
He told me that he expected we would be paying more for books at the moment, as with the recession, second hand books must be in more demand.
If only !
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Description is everything.
I have had to enter into a "Customer Dispute" with Amazon this week. My first ever - it is very exciting.
Having sold a Proof copy of a book to a customer, I got an email from them. They told me that they had ordered a hardback and got a softback copy. It then said that they wanted to know "What I was going to do about it"
Suprised that I would send the wrong book, I checked the description. This was clearly for a softback proof - and even said "I must stress, this book is a softback proof copy - not a hardback" - Fairly clear I thought !
I replied to this effect, and so was suprised when I got a dispute from Amazon. They have told Amazon that the description didn't match the book, and they want to know what I am going to do. They also request compensation as well as a refund in their email.
Pah !!
I have always given refunds for any reason, without quibbling. But on this occassion - for the first time - I have decided to fight my corner. This person is clearly wrong. Why should I lose about £20 in postage and costs to make up for their cock up.
Having sold a Proof copy of a book to a customer, I got an email from them. They told me that they had ordered a hardback and got a softback copy. It then said that they wanted to know "What I was going to do about it"
Suprised that I would send the wrong book, I checked the description. This was clearly for a softback proof - and even said "I must stress, this book is a softback proof copy - not a hardback" - Fairly clear I thought !
I replied to this effect, and so was suprised when I got a dispute from Amazon. They have told Amazon that the description didn't match the book, and they want to know what I am going to do. They also request compensation as well as a refund in their email.
Pah !!
I have always given refunds for any reason, without quibbling. But on this occassion - for the first time - I have decided to fight my corner. This person is clearly wrong. Why should I lose about £20 in postage and costs to make up for their cock up.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Hollow praise
If another person who I have never seen before, walks in, and tells me what a tragedy it is that the shop is closing - then walks out again, I reserve the right to kill them.
Slowly
and Painfully.
Slowly
and Painfully.
Not getting the point !
Chap walks in..
"I have some books to sell you..."
"I'm sorry sir, we are closing down in a few weeks."
"But I want to sell you these books..."
"We are closing the shop down"
"wont you buy these before you go"
"we are closing down, I have 35,000 books - why would I want to buy some more"
"But I want to sell them"
"We are not buying sir"
"Well you are a second hand shop - you should buy them really"
I gave up at this point.
"I have some books to sell you..."
"I'm sorry sir, we are closing down in a few weeks."
"But I want to sell you these books..."
"We are closing the shop down"
"wont you buy these before you go"
"we are closing down, I have 35,000 books - why would I want to buy some more"
"But I want to sell them"
"We are not buying sir"
"Well you are a second hand shop - you should buy them really"
I gave up at this point.
The End is Nigh
Well the closure is looming.
In about three weeks, Ellwood Books will be no more - or rather, the shop will close and we shall do all of our work online and at bookfairs.
This doesn't seem to stop people from attempting to sell me absolute rubbish en masse. And I mean this literally.
This week (and it is only tuesday) we have had two kind donations of books - black sackfulls of them.
Sadly - the first turned out to be newspapers and colour supplements. The second was mainly school text books and notepads (the sort of text book where you practice your handwriting etc) of course - they were all filled in.
So effectively, these generous souls, couldn't be bothered to go to the dump with their paper rubbish - and thought they would dump it here instead.
Thanks !
In about three weeks, Ellwood Books will be no more - or rather, the shop will close and we shall do all of our work online and at bookfairs.
This doesn't seem to stop people from attempting to sell me absolute rubbish en masse. And I mean this literally.
This week (and it is only tuesday) we have had two kind donations of books - black sackfulls of them.
Sadly - the first turned out to be newspapers and colour supplements. The second was mainly school text books and notepads (the sort of text book where you practice your handwriting etc) of course - they were all filled in.
So effectively, these generous souls, couldn't be bothered to go to the dump with their paper rubbish - and thought they would dump it here instead.
Thanks !
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Careers Advice
A big thank you to the manager of my local Oxfam Bookshop.
He knows about my book auction in May, and kindly suggested that if this goes well, perhaps I could give up the bookshop, and just concentrate on auctions to make a living that way. After all - there is no way I can compete with with Oxfam.
He didn't mean this maliciously, in fact, I believe he meant it kindly, but I still don't respond particularly well to the person who is bankrupting me giving me careers advice. Oh yes - I ranted !
He knows about my book auction in May, and kindly suggested that if this goes well, perhaps I could give up the bookshop, and just concentrate on auctions to make a living that way. After all - there is no way I can compete with with Oxfam.
He didn't mean this maliciously, in fact, I believe he meant it kindly, but I still don't respond particularly well to the person who is bankrupting me giving me careers advice. Oh yes - I ranted !
A Worthwhile trip
A chap came in to tell me about his trip to the defunct Bookbarn down near Bristol.
Having seen it on the local news he travelled about 130 miles to grab 6 bags of free paperbacks having spent a happy couple of hours climbing over piles of discarded books. He was amazed that I hadn't had the initiative to go down and replenish my stock. I pointed out to him, that on my one trip to Bookbarn I had been saddened to find that there wasn't a single book I would want, even if free, as they were all so dirty, out of date and largely ex-library or collapsing.
"Well I was happy with my hoard, and all free" (I don't think a days time and about £15-30 in petrol has entered the equation) "so I won't be in to buy any books for a while"
I think I shall cope with this - I don't think he ever has brought anything here anyway.
Having seen it on the local news he travelled about 130 miles to grab 6 bags of free paperbacks having spent a happy couple of hours climbing over piles of discarded books. He was amazed that I hadn't had the initiative to go down and replenish my stock. I pointed out to him, that on my one trip to Bookbarn I had been saddened to find that there wasn't a single book I would want, even if free, as they were all so dirty, out of date and largely ex-library or collapsing.
"Well I was happy with my hoard, and all free" (I don't think a days time and about £15-30 in petrol has entered the equation) "so I won't be in to buy any books for a while"
I think I shall cope with this - I don't think he ever has brought anything here anyway.
Latest Score Card
I often keep a tally of the wonderful people who come into the shop. I shouldn't really, as it only depresses me.
This week I set a new record: 18 people trying to sell me books, magazines or free newspapers (yes you read that right). 1 random mad lady who only came in to tell me that she had never read a book and to ask lots of questions about the artwork in the shop. 2 people who are most offended that I would suggest they are wanting free valuations ! They just want a bit of advice and want to know what the book is worth.
The last one took the biscuit. A lady came in to ask me to repair an old bible for her (spine falling off) so would I mind just gluing it back, refixing some detatched pages and neatening the edges. I suggested the local book binders, and when she looked at their prices, she commented that the book wasn't worth their prices, and it would only take me 20 minutes or so - couldn't i just do it for free (she is on a pension you know !) Now I may be mad - but i did it for her !
On the plus side of the account - I had two sales of £6 each. All day. Oh yes - that is why we are a successful bookshop. Sadly - it is also why we will probably have to close in June and leave only one general bookshop in the whole of Wiltshire.
This week I set a new record: 18 people trying to sell me books, magazines or free newspapers (yes you read that right). 1 random mad lady who only came in to tell me that she had never read a book and to ask lots of questions about the artwork in the shop. 2 people who are most offended that I would suggest they are wanting free valuations ! They just want a bit of advice and want to know what the book is worth.
The last one took the biscuit. A lady came in to ask me to repair an old bible for her (spine falling off) so would I mind just gluing it back, refixing some detatched pages and neatening the edges. I suggested the local book binders, and when she looked at their prices, she commented that the book wasn't worth their prices, and it would only take me 20 minutes or so - couldn't i just do it for free (she is on a pension you know !) Now I may be mad - but i did it for her !
On the plus side of the account - I had two sales of £6 each. All day. Oh yes - that is why we are a successful bookshop. Sadly - it is also why we will probably have to close in June and leave only one general bookshop in the whole of Wiltshire.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Obviously Underpriced
Man walks in from one of the 25 charity shops in town.
"I have a book here, that i think is rather valuable. What do you think it's worth"
"I would sell it for £10"
"Oh no - we can demand far far more than that for it"
and sweeps out.
Nice to be asked I suppose ?
"I have a book here, that i think is rather valuable. What do you think it's worth"
"I would sell it for £10"
"Oh no - we can demand far far more than that for it"
and sweeps out.
Nice to be asked I suppose ?
George Bernard Bu******
Chap walks in. "I'm looking for a copy of George Bernard Shaw's "The Apple Cart - I don't suppose you've heard of it."
"Yes sir, I believe we have a copy in our plays section."
"Really, how marvellous - its out of print, and I've hunted high and low for it. How much is it"
"It's a first edition sir, from 1920, in a decent dust wrapper - it's £6"
"Oh no - I don't want to pay anything near that - do you have anything for a pound ?"
"Yes sir, I believe we have a copy in our plays section."
"Really, how marvellous - its out of print, and I've hunted high and low for it. How much is it"
"It's a first edition sir, from 1920, in a decent dust wrapper - it's £6"
"Oh no - I don't want to pay anything near that - do you have anything for a pound ?"
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Letter of the Law
I had a letter from my landlords yesterday. I can't quote it exactly as I threw it away in disgust (DOH) but I can give you the gist of it.
Please to remember that this comes on expensive embossed paper, and had a first class (38p) stamp on it.
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for your recent rent payment of £761.17 for the month of March. Unfortunately you made a mistake in calculating the final monthly payment of the year, and you owe us an addional 4p. Please could you send us this and bare (sic) in mind that the amount is £761.21 in future payments."
This, from someone who signs herself with the Full "Ba Hons, (Lancaster)" on all letter - to show how intelligent and well educated she is.
With headed paper at 10p - laser printing at 15p per sheet, 10 mins on minimum wage at £1.25 and the stamp at 38p - this cost them at least £1.88 to ask for 10p.
Needless to say - I shan't be sending a cheque. Yes - I know I have wasted almost as much time as they did on this topic - but I couldn't resist.
Please to remember that this comes on expensive embossed paper, and had a first class (38p) stamp on it.
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for your recent rent payment of £761.17 for the month of March. Unfortunately you made a mistake in calculating the final monthly payment of the year, and you owe us an addional 4p. Please could you send us this and bare (sic) in mind that the amount is £761.21 in future payments."
This, from someone who signs herself with the Full "Ba Hons, (Lancaster)" on all letter - to show how intelligent and well educated she is.
With headed paper at 10p - laser printing at 15p per sheet, 10 mins on minimum wage at £1.25 and the stamp at 38p - this cost them at least £1.88 to ask for 10p.
Needless to say - I shan't be sending a cheque. Yes - I know I have wasted almost as much time as they did on this topic - but I couldn't resist.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Decoration
Lady comes into the shop.
"I've just finished decorating my living room, and I have a shelf which needs some good looking leather books. Doesn't matter what they are, no-one is going to read them. Those would do."
"Those are £1,250 madam, it is a first eiditon complete works of Thackeray in tree calf and Baynton binding"
"That's a ridiculous amount, i am happy to pay a pound or two a book".
"Well we have no leather in that range madam. We have this Faux leather classics series at £3 each, would they be suitable".
"Oh I couldn't possibly have fake leather in my home. I'll have to get some ornaments instead"
And she swept out.
"I've just finished decorating my living room, and I have a shelf which needs some good looking leather books. Doesn't matter what they are, no-one is going to read them. Those would do."
"Those are £1,250 madam, it is a first eiditon complete works of Thackeray in tree calf and Baynton binding"
"That's a ridiculous amount, i am happy to pay a pound or two a book".
"Well we have no leather in that range madam. We have this Faux leather classics series at £3 each, would they be suitable".
"Oh I couldn't possibly have fake leather in my home. I'll have to get some ornaments instead"
And she swept out.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Haggling in the Recession.
It may just be me, and a sense of jaded despondency setting in, but I am sure people are haggling more with the recession.
Yesterday I had a chap in, who on finding a Modern First Edition by Malcolm Bradbury, signed by the author and in mint condition, queried the price. Firstly, he tried to pay £4, telling my assistant that the £40 written inside must be an error with an extra zero.
My stalwart young chap pointed out, that Bradbury doesn't sign masses, and that £40 is very reasonable, particularly when it is currently £20 in our half price sale. He then left a message, asking me what I would really accept, as he felt that £20 is very over-priced.
Pah !! Needless to say, he will not be getting a phone call from my offering a more than 50% discount.
Yesterday I had a chap in, who on finding a Modern First Edition by Malcolm Bradbury, signed by the author and in mint condition, queried the price. Firstly, he tried to pay £4, telling my assistant that the £40 written inside must be an error with an extra zero.
My stalwart young chap pointed out, that Bradbury doesn't sign masses, and that £40 is very reasonable, particularly when it is currently £20 in our half price sale. He then left a message, asking me what I would really accept, as he felt that £20 is very over-priced.
Pah !! Needless to say, he will not be getting a phone call from my offering a more than 50% discount.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
What have I done ?
I have recently been setting up a book auction in Salisbury. I thought it would be good to have a decent, high (ish) end sale - with lots starting at around £50 + (so books of retail value of around £100). Am planning to hold it in the Guildhall - so all very classy and nice.
You would think !
My first promise of lots for the auction has come in. This would be very exciting - except that it has come from a gent who regularly tries to sell me old National Geographic magazines and Reader's Digest condensed volumes - and who will not believe me that neither are saleable.
Do you think he will offer me incunabula ?
You would think !
My first promise of lots for the auction has come in. This would be very exciting - except that it has come from a gent who regularly tries to sell me old National Geographic magazines and Reader's Digest condensed volumes - and who will not believe me that neither are saleable.
Do you think he will offer me incunabula ?
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Final Thanks
Finally - thank you to the thieving little toe-rag who stole a chequebook from a bag in our private area, and has helped himself to £800 from my account.
Yep - thanks, it makes bills so much easier to deal with when I am £800 poorer.
Fortunately, the police couldn't stop laughing at what a stupid idiot he was, for writing the cheques and paying the money straight into his own bank account.
Mr Darren Streeter, your next court date is on me.
Yep - thanks, it makes bills so much easier to deal with when I am £800 poorer.
Fortunately, the police couldn't stop laughing at what a stupid idiot he was, for writing the cheques and paying the money straight into his own bank account.
Mr Darren Streeter, your next court date is on me.
Even More Thanks
To the "gentleman" who on finding a First Edition from the 1930's, with pictorial end papers but missing a blank page before the half title, decided to haggle.
"how much for this book"
"Well sir, it is normally only £6, as it is missing a blank, so in the sale it is £3"
"so how much will you knock off for me because of the blank missing"
"No sir, that is why it is normally £6 rather than £10-15. at the moment it is £3."
"So you won't do it for £2 for me, or give me another book of similar age so that I can remove a blank page and bind it into this one"
I declined. (Then had a row with him a few hours later when he accosted me in a shop in town, to tell me loudly how extortionate my books are).
"how much for this book"
"Well sir, it is normally only £6, as it is missing a blank, so in the sale it is £3"
"so how much will you knock off for me because of the blank missing"
"No sir, that is why it is normally £6 rather than £10-15. at the moment it is £3."
"So you won't do it for £2 for me, or give me another book of similar age so that I can remove a blank page and bind it into this one"
I declined. (Then had a row with him a few hours later when he accosted me in a shop in town, to tell me loudly how extortionate my books are).
More Thanks
To the lady who selected a book (having cast lots of others around rummaging car boot style) and when told that it was usually £20, so currently £10 in our half price sale, asked for trade discount, as she is a dealer.
"But madam, trade discount is usually 20%, and we are currently offering 50% off"
Yes, so I expect 20% off the half price".
I politely declined, and asked her what sort of books she deals in.
"Oh I don't touch books, I am a antique jewellery dealer".
Hmmm.
"But madam, trade discount is usually 20%, and we are currently offering 50% off"
Yes, so I expect 20% off the half price".
I politely declined, and asked her what sort of books she deals in.
"Oh I don't touch books, I am a antique jewellery dealer".
Hmmm.
Thank You
A big thank you to the kind man who donated a box of "books" to our shop when I wasn't here. It is always nice to be supported and appreciated in our local community. This chap regularly tells me how he has lots of incunabula that he will dispose of one day.
Sadly, this box was entirely composed of free estate agents house details from about 5 years ago, some free NHS leaflets on repeat prescriptions, an empty cake box (crushed) and an empty packet of crisps (crumpled). Yep, many many thanks.
Sadly, this box was entirely composed of free estate agents house details from about 5 years ago, some free NHS leaflets on repeat prescriptions, an empty cake box (crushed) and an empty packet of crisps (crumpled). Yep, many many thanks.
Monday, December 22, 2008
No Escape
I was driving home from work a couple of days ago - having worked hard all day polishing my leather and pricing my portfolios, when the 6pm news came onto Radio 4.
Bearing in mind that this is the National news, I was somewhat irritated to hear my friends at Oxfam getting the following 2 minute news item.
Apparently a shop managed to sell a copy of Sylvia Plath's "Ariel" for £350. After a discussion about the bookshop, there were quotes from Oxfam saying how this was a vast amount of money and would do a tremendous amount of good for the poor of the world.
Quite apart for the tiny percentage of this that will get anywhere near any needy recipient - since when did the sale of a £350 book make the main National news of the day ? I wish I had their marketing and PR department - no wonder it costs them 15% of charity income.
Bearing in mind that this is the National news, I was somewhat irritated to hear my friends at Oxfam getting the following 2 minute news item.
Apparently a shop managed to sell a copy of Sylvia Plath's "Ariel" for £350. After a discussion about the bookshop, there were quotes from Oxfam saying how this was a vast amount of money and would do a tremendous amount of good for the poor of the world.
Quite apart for the tiny percentage of this that will get anywhere near any needy recipient - since when did the sale of a £350 book make the main National news of the day ? I wish I had their marketing and PR department - no wonder it costs them 15% of charity income.
Department Store
"Are these Christmas Decorations for sale ?"
"No madam, they are our Christmas decorations"
"What about this Buddha Statue ?"
"No madam, just the books are for sale"
"So its only the books then ?"
"Yes Madam"
"That's a pity" as she walks out.
"No madam, they are our Christmas decorations"
"What about this Buddha Statue ?"
"No madam, just the books are for sale"
"So its only the books then ?"
"Yes Madam"
"That's a pity" as she walks out.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tarzan and the Irritating Idiot
"Do you have any tarzan books ?"
"Yes sir, we have early editions here, they are £4 pounds each"
"Oh good - well that's good to know. I won't buy them as I have brought something recently."
"Yes sir, we have early editions here, they are £4 pounds each"
"Oh good - well that's good to know. I won't buy them as I have brought something recently."
Not a chance in hell !
"Hello"
Quoth the merry chap, clutching a book he had brought from a charity shop (pah)
"I know you do internet sales... Would you wrap this up and post it to my brother, its his christmas present".....
No prizes for guessing my response.
Quoth the merry chap, clutching a book he had brought from a charity shop (pah)
"I know you do internet sales... Would you wrap this up and post it to my brother, its his christmas present".....
No prizes for guessing my response.
more wasting of time
"Hello, I have been searching for a book for 50 years, it's Ballantyne, the Gorilla Hunters. I had a copy as a boy. When I left for national service, my mother gave it away. I've been looking for it ever since - I doubt you will be able to help me, nobody has been able to."
"Yes sir, we have a 1907 copy here, in excellent condition for £4"
"Oh have you......"
Can anyone fill in what happened next ?
"Yes sir, we have a 1907 copy here, in excellent condition for £4"
"Oh have you......"
Can anyone fill in what happened next ?
Mission Accomplished
"Hello, Do you stock miniature books"
"Yes Madam, they are in this cabinet here..."
"Oh I don't want to look at them. I am going to see my aunt at Christmas, and I want to be able to tell her I looked for them."
Walks out of shop into Dante's 13th circle of hell (reserved for timewasters).
"Yes Madam, they are in this cabinet here..."
"Oh I don't want to look at them. I am going to see my aunt at Christmas, and I want to be able to tell her I looked for them."
Walks out of shop into Dante's 13th circle of hell (reserved for timewasters).
Monday, December 08, 2008
Rubbing it in Even More
Most people who know me, are aware that Oxfam are my least favourite charity (at least in part because of their rampant destruction of the book trade). The local Oxfam Bookshop have almost managed to bankrupt us, but I am still hanging on in there. I had two conversations with the manager of the bookshop.
In the first, he was bemoaning his lot - having to deal with so many donations of useless books - "And they know they are useless - they shouldn't be donating them to us - we only want saleable books". Apparently I didn't understand how hard it was dealing with this each day. I pointed out, that most of the people donating to him, have already tried to get money from me for the same books, and are outraged when I can't pay for them - so yes, I understand, but think he is being ungrateful. As a seriously struggling bookshop, we would love to be able to take several hundred pounds of income each day from purely donated books - but sadly - we have to pay for every book we get.
The second phone call was because a woman had arrived with a pile of saleable books - but they didn't have room to take them in. I thought he was about to suggest we received them - but no, he wanted to know if i had the phone number for another book charity that operates on the towm - as he felt they were good enough for them to make a fair bit from them.
My face feels as if it has been well and trully rubbed in it !!!
In the first, he was bemoaning his lot - having to deal with so many donations of useless books - "And they know they are useless - they shouldn't be donating them to us - we only want saleable books". Apparently I didn't understand how hard it was dealing with this each day. I pointed out, that most of the people donating to him, have already tried to get money from me for the same books, and are outraged when I can't pay for them - so yes, I understand, but think he is being ungrateful. As a seriously struggling bookshop, we would love to be able to take several hundred pounds of income each day from purely donated books - but sadly - we have to pay for every book we get.
The second phone call was because a woman had arrived with a pile of saleable books - but they didn't have room to take them in. I thought he was about to suggest we received them - but no, he wanted to know if i had the phone number for another book charity that operates on the towm - as he felt they were good enough for them to make a fair bit from them.
My face feels as if it has been well and trully rubbed in it !!!
Lost in Translation
A woman walks into the shop, and asks for Mike Mc somebody. I tell her that we have no-one of that name.
"But you must have. i was listening to Radio Four, and they were saying how this chap worked for Connected Books of Salisbury, and that he was very good at finding rare books".
"No madam, there is no bookshop of that name here - we are now one of only two bookshops in the whole County."
"It must be here - I was listening very carefully"
"Madam, do you like that perhaps they were talking about a gentleman from a bookshop in Salisbury Conneticut ?"
"Oh no - I wouldn't make a mistake like that.
"But you must have. i was listening to Radio Four, and they were saying how this chap worked for Connected Books of Salisbury, and that he was very good at finding rare books".
"No madam, there is no bookshop of that name here - we are now one of only two bookshops in the whole County."
"It must be here - I was listening very carefully"
"Madam, do you like that perhaps they were talking about a gentleman from a bookshop in Salisbury Conneticut ?"
"Oh no - I wouldn't make a mistake like that.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thick skins
Chap comes in. He has been a pain in the neck for a long time - always wanting discounts, free books etc:
He recently ordered two books - then decided he only wanted one of them - costing me £20.
"I'd like you to order me in a book"
"I'm not very keen after last time"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I got you two books - and you only paid for one. The other cost me money and I can only sell it for a fraction of this"
"Well that's not my problem - I took one of them"
"Yes but you ordered two - I have to buy books in - I can't get them on approval"
"Just send it back and say you've changed your mind"
"But i haven't changed my mind - and I can't just return books because customers are unreliable - there is postage to be paid in each direction"
"Not my problem - now are you going to order this book for me?"
..............I don't think i will be seeing him again.
He recently ordered two books - then decided he only wanted one of them - costing me £20.
"I'd like you to order me in a book"
"I'm not very keen after last time"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I got you two books - and you only paid for one. The other cost me money and I can only sell it for a fraction of this"
"Well that's not my problem - I took one of them"
"Yes but you ordered two - I have to buy books in - I can't get them on approval"
"Just send it back and say you've changed your mind"
"But i haven't changed my mind - and I can't just return books because customers are unreliable - there is postage to be paid in each direction"
"Not my problem - now are you going to order this book for me?"
..............I don't think i will be seeing him again.
Free Valuations
Friendly voice from a neighbouring town (30 miles away) called.
"afternoon - I'd like you to come and value my books"
"Are they for sale"
"No, I'd just like to know their value"
"well we would have to charge you a fair bit of money to drive out and do that"
"Oh, don't you do it for free ? I'm not willing to pay anything for it. Won't you just come and tell me what they are worth?"
Hmmmm.
"afternoon - I'd like you to come and value my books"
"Are they for sale"
"No, I'd just like to know their value"
"well we would have to charge you a fair bit of money to drive out and do that"
"Oh, don't you do it for free ? I'm not willing to pay anything for it. Won't you just come and tell me what they are worth?"
Hmmmm.
Don't rub it in.
chap walks in and stands at the door. I've never seen him before. He doesn't actually bother looking at the shelves.
"Good morning" he says, "I hear an Oxfam bookshop has opened up, can you tell me where it is please ?"
I just told him - I couldn't even be bothered to rant about how they are destroying the book trade. I must be losing it.
"Good morning" he says, "I hear an Oxfam bookshop has opened up, can you tell me where it is please ?"
I just told him - I couldn't even be bothered to rant about how they are destroying the book trade. I must be losing it.
Change of Mind
Chap walks in and asks "I gave away a book a year ago - can you tell me what its worth now please."
Letter from America
This is a real email I received recently.
I don’t even need to comment.
“I was in Salisbury about a year ago and bought a book in your store, only to accidentally leave it on the plane. I was so disappointed. I cannot remember the name of the book, but it had a black cover, I
do believe. It was a Juvenile’s book. I very much want to order this
book. Can you suggest to me which one it might be? Thanks! S__ T___, U.S.A.”
I don’t even need to comment.
“I was in Salisbury about a year ago and bought a book in your store, only to accidentally leave it on the plane. I was so disappointed. I cannot remember the name of the book, but it had a black cover, I
do believe. It was a Juvenile’s book. I very much want to order this
book. Can you suggest to me which one it might be? Thanks! S__ T___, U.S.A.”
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Cheap and (sometimes) cheerful
A big thank you to the American book dealer, who requested a trade discount on a 50p book, and that it be sent at cost, as they didn't agree with making money on postage.
Sadly I don't agree with selling to them - so the book has been thrown away !!!
Sadly I don't agree with selling to them - so the book has been thrown away !!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Car Wreck
I was reminded of this yesterday - although it happened about a year ago.
Innocently driving home, and about half a mile from the shop, I managed to ram a truck, and although there were no injuries, I managed to write off my car. Friendly canine was on the back seat howling at all the fuss outside. Van driver is not too happy that his truck has a large dent in the side, and the police have arrived to get the street moving again.
In the midst of all this, a man walks up to me with a plastic bag.
"You've save me a trip, I was just on the way to see if you would buy these books"
"Not at the moment, I am a little tied up..."
"Won't you just have a quick look at them"
I shan't type what I said - but he hasn't been into the shop since (And that is no loss !!)
Innocently driving home, and about half a mile from the shop, I managed to ram a truck, and although there were no injuries, I managed to write off my car. Friendly canine was on the back seat howling at all the fuss outside. Van driver is not too happy that his truck has a large dent in the side, and the police have arrived to get the street moving again.
In the midst of all this, a man walks up to me with a plastic bag.
"You've save me a trip, I was just on the way to see if you would buy these books"
"Not at the moment, I am a little tied up..."
"Won't you just have a quick look at them"
I shan't type what I said - but he hasn't been into the shop since (And that is no loss !!)
Waiting for Sales
One of my more irritating customers (I use the term through gritted teeth - not sure he has ever actually bought anything)was drooling over a book I had just put out yesterday. A first edition hardback in mint wrapper, on farming in England. A whole £5.
"Oh this is lovely" he slobbered. "If you still have it in January, I'll snatch your hand off for it in your half price sale"
"Oh this is lovely" he slobbered. "If you still have it in January, I'll snatch your hand off for it in your half price sale"
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Royal Rubbish
Man walks in with a carrier bag full of newspapers and puts them on the counter and asks for a valuation.
"I'm sorry, we don't buy newspapers"
"But you haven't even looked at them"
"I can see they are newspapers, and we don't buy newspapers"
"But these aren't newspapers, they have articles and front pages on the royal family"
"That makes them worse - as a fervent Republican who would shoot the lot of them just after the politicians and before the clergy, I have moral objections to books on the land and title grabbing aristocracy"
"Royalty are very popular with collectors"
"Not in this shop - I can only sell royal items that are early Victorian or before - perhaps 1850 or earlier".
"Yes, some of these are that old, look...." (Pulls out a 1956 newspaper with an aricle on Queen Elizabeth).
"Is that the oldest"
".......Yes"
"hmmmm"
(He gathers his bags and exits stage left)
(Only one of these lines has been made up)
"I'm sorry, we don't buy newspapers"
"But you haven't even looked at them"
"I can see they are newspapers, and we don't buy newspapers"
"But these aren't newspapers, they have articles and front pages on the royal family"
"That makes them worse - as a fervent Republican who would shoot the lot of them just after the politicians and before the clergy, I have moral objections to books on the land and title grabbing aristocracy"
"Royalty are very popular with collectors"
"Not in this shop - I can only sell royal items that are early Victorian or before - perhaps 1850 or earlier".
"Yes, some of these are that old, look...." (Pulls out a 1956 newspaper with an aricle on Queen Elizabeth).
"Is that the oldest"
".......Yes"
"hmmmm"
(He gathers his bags and exits stage left)
(Only one of these lines has been made up)
All at Sea
"Hello, we have three books on the Royal Navy, how much would you pay for them"
"Have you got them with you ?"
"Oh no, they are much too heavy"
"Who are they by"
"Don't know, we've never read them"
"And the titles ?"
"No idea"
"Well are they part of a set, or are they individual books ?"
"How are we supposed to know - I told you we hadn't read them...."
"Have you got them with you ?"
"Oh no, they are much too heavy"
"Who are they by"
"Don't know, we've never read them"
"And the titles ?"
"No idea"
"Well are they part of a set, or are they individual books ?"
"How are we supposed to know - I told you we hadn't read them...."
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Random violence
Elderly chap in tweed and burgundy cords marches into the shop, walks to the counter and raps his cane on the desk.
"How's business then ?"
"Oh fine - and how much is your pension paying you each week ?"
(One day I will have the nerve to say rather than think it).
"Get yourself a gun or a damn heavy shillaleagh. Its going to get ugly out there. The plebs don't realise how bad things are going to get. They'll be riots. Better prepare yourself"
And marches out.
"How's business then ?"
"Oh fine - and how much is your pension paying you each week ?"
(One day I will have the nerve to say rather than think it).
"Get yourself a gun or a damn heavy shillaleagh. Its going to get ugly out there. The plebs don't realise how bad things are going to get. They'll be riots. Better prepare yourself"
And marches out.
Indigestible
"Hello, I'd like you to give me a valuation please for these Reader's Digest Condensed Volumes"
"Am afraid they have no value at all, you can't even give them away"
"Even though they are first editions ?"
"But they aren't first editions madam, they are Reader's Digest"
"But the are First Edition Thus - first Reader's Digest issue"
"So that makes them a re-print madam"
"Even though they are covered in mock leather covers ?"
"I'm afraid fake leather doesn't enhance value madam, it takes real leather for that"
"So no value then"
"Not even charity shops can sell them madam"
"Well i'll take them to a charity shop then"
I wouldn't mind so much, but quoting first edition and first thus at me - she obviously understands the terms and what they mean.
Humpf.
"Am afraid they have no value at all, you can't even give them away"
"Even though they are first editions ?"
"But they aren't first editions madam, they are Reader's Digest"
"But the are First Edition Thus - first Reader's Digest issue"
"So that makes them a re-print madam"
"Even though they are covered in mock leather covers ?"
"I'm afraid fake leather doesn't enhance value madam, it takes real leather for that"
"So no value then"
"Not even charity shops can sell them madam"
"Well i'll take them to a charity shop then"
I wouldn't mind so much, but quoting first edition and first thus at me - she obviously understands the terms and what they mean.
Humpf.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Helpful Soul
Following a phone call from a charity shop (No not Oxfam) about a book, a woman arrived at the shop with the "ancient volume" for me to value on their behalf. Of course this was a completely dead 1960's piece of worthless tat, but never mind.
Having told her this (Very gently) I was about to return to my work when she commented that she had another 3 crates of books in her car outside for me to look at.
Although I nearly began my "Charity shops are bankrupting me" rant, I thought I would just be nice, and look at them for her. So i went out, and rummaged through the boxes, and gave her a few suggested prices for the better books, and suggested that she give the rest to a charity shop she didn't like.
Although it is tempting to leave this as a tale of the presumption and cheek of the charity sector, sadly due to my policy of truth and honesty I can't.
She produced a box of chocolates and big thanks for my time. I felt most touched, and only afterwards wondered who would have eaten the chocolates if I hadn't agreed to go out and value the crates of books.
But please local charities - don't take this as a suggestion that you all come along with you books for me to value. With 22 charity shops in the town centre, I wouldn't have time to do anything else.
Having told her this (Very gently) I was about to return to my work when she commented that she had another 3 crates of books in her car outside for me to look at.
Although I nearly began my "Charity shops are bankrupting me" rant, I thought I would just be nice, and look at them for her. So i went out, and rummaged through the boxes, and gave her a few suggested prices for the better books, and suggested that she give the rest to a charity shop she didn't like.
Although it is tempting to leave this as a tale of the presumption and cheek of the charity sector, sadly due to my policy of truth and honesty I can't.
She produced a box of chocolates and big thanks for my time. I felt most touched, and only afterwards wondered who would have eaten the chocolates if I hadn't agreed to go out and value the crates of books.
But please local charities - don't take this as a suggestion that you all come along with you books for me to value. With 22 charity shops in the town centre, I wouldn't have time to do anything else.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Returns Policy
Telephone call from a lady
"Hello can I have the address to return a book please"
Having given her the address - I asked which book and what the problem is.
"Oh I can't remember, I buy so many - I brought it a month or two ago, but I haven't opened the parcel"
"Well why are you returning it"
"Oh i just don't want it any more...."
Hmmmm.
"Hello can I have the address to return a book please"
Having given her the address - I asked which book and what the problem is.
"Oh I can't remember, I buy so many - I brought it a month or two ago, but I haven't opened the parcel"
"Well why are you returning it"
"Oh i just don't want it any more...."
Hmmmm.
Persuasion
Chap comes into the shop.
"Hello, I've come to sell these" as he proffers a pile of weekly magazines about the Vietnam war - which build up to make a magnificent collection of the weapons, battles and personalities of the war in 36 weekly parts - beautifully held together in a faux leather binding.
Actually he hadn't bothered with the binding, so it was actually about 30 issues in a genuine plastic bag. (Rare tesco's 1999 edition).
I politely declined on the grounds that I don't buy magazines, and couldn't sell them.
"Go on, they are very good"
"No thank you"
"They are very sought after"
"well if you are such an expert, go and open a f*^*^&g bookshop" (OK so I made that one up - but i did think it)
"You have to take a risk to make money in business, be adventurous"
I pointed out through gritted teeth that buying a pile of rubbish i couldn't sell was not a risk, it was just stupidity, and that for adventure I prefered mountain climbing to buying bags of junk.
"Tell, you what, I'll do you a deal - you take them, and when they sell, give me half the money"
"Nope, I don't sell on commission"
"It's not on commission, i'm giving them to you - just give me half the money when they sell".
I gazed whistfully at the illustrations of AK 47's and daydreamed about the effect of sprinkling napalm over salespeople for a while, then told him to go on his way with his magazines.
"Hello, I've come to sell these" as he proffers a pile of weekly magazines about the Vietnam war - which build up to make a magnificent collection of the weapons, battles and personalities of the war in 36 weekly parts - beautifully held together in a faux leather binding.
Actually he hadn't bothered with the binding, so it was actually about 30 issues in a genuine plastic bag. (Rare tesco's 1999 edition).
I politely declined on the grounds that I don't buy magazines, and couldn't sell them.
"Go on, they are very good"
"No thank you"
"They are very sought after"
"well if you are such an expert, go and open a f*^*^&g bookshop" (OK so I made that one up - but i did think it)
"You have to take a risk to make money in business, be adventurous"
I pointed out through gritted teeth that buying a pile of rubbish i couldn't sell was not a risk, it was just stupidity, and that for adventure I prefered mountain climbing to buying bags of junk.
"Tell, you what, I'll do you a deal - you take them, and when they sell, give me half the money"
"Nope, I don't sell on commission"
"It's not on commission, i'm giving them to you - just give me half the money when they sell".
I gazed whistfully at the illustrations of AK 47's and daydreamed about the effect of sprinkling napalm over salespeople for a while, then told him to go on his way with his magazines.
Friday, September 26, 2008
New Con
"Do you buy back books"
"Well, if we have sold a book, yes, we will generally buy it back"
"Oh good, how much for these ?"
"erm, I don't recognise having sold any of those."
"No, they didn't come from here."
"Ah, well, I won't be buying them back then"
"But you just said you would buy them......"
It went on for a while, but I really can't be bothered to type any more..
"Well, if we have sold a book, yes, we will generally buy it back"
"Oh good, how much for these ?"
"erm, I don't recognise having sold any of those."
"No, they didn't come from here."
"Ah, well, I won't be buying them back then"
"But you just said you would buy them......"
It went on for a while, but I really can't be bothered to type any more..
Paperback Gems
Having asked me what sort of books i liked to buy (i explained i prefered to sell them), the nice lady pulled out a handfull of paperbacks from her shopping trolley.
"I'm sorry, I never buy paperbacks" i explained.
Undeterred, she pulled out a further 5 bags of paperbacks, emptying each on the counter, and plucking the odd tome from the dirty pile with a "What about this one". 7 times more I said "I'm sorry, I never buy paperbacks".
She went off telling me that she would find some more for me to buy.
"I'm sorry, I never buy paperbacks" i explained.
Undeterred, she pulled out a further 5 bags of paperbacks, emptying each on the counter, and plucking the odd tome from the dirty pile with a "What about this one". 7 times more I said "I'm sorry, I never buy paperbacks".
She went off telling me that she would find some more for me to buy.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Free Valuations
Lady walks into the shop clutching a catalogue from the V & A from the 1920's.
"I brought this in a charity shop. I approached the V & A and they want to buy it from me, and have asked me how much I wish to sell it for - what should i ask them for ?"
Of course, this is a woman who has never purchased anything from me in her life !
"I brought this in a charity shop. I approached the V & A and they want to buy it from me, and have asked me how much I wish to sell it for - what should i ask them for ?"
Of course, this is a woman who has never purchased anything from me in her life !
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My knowledge Knows No Bounds
"A friend of mine has reserved a CD in a CD shop, but i don't know which one. Can you tell me where it is please?"
Amazingly, I could.
Omniscience is much underated.
Amazingly, I could.
Omniscience is much underated.
Library Service
I have just caught a chap in the back room who had piled up and moved lots of books so that he could create a writing suface on top of a 3 shelf bookcase. He then started to make copious notes on Roman and Norman coins from one of my nicer Numismatics books.
When i asked if i could help him, he replied "Oh no, I've found what I need. I don't want to buy it, I just want to make notes on some coins I have just got."
Should I grab him by his lapels and fling him bodily into the street before jumping up and down on him shouting "curses on your coins you cheapskate, book borrowing, odourous person" or should i just let him carry on using me as a library reference room ?
I am willing to concede that there may be a middle path !
When i asked if i could help him, he replied "Oh no, I've found what I need. I don't want to buy it, I just want to make notes on some coins I have just got."
Should I grab him by his lapels and fling him bodily into the street before jumping up and down on him shouting "curses on your coins you cheapskate, book borrowing, odourous person" or should i just let him carry on using me as a library reference room ?
I am willing to concede that there may be a middle path !
Lots of Knowledge
I have been offered 4 sets of encyclopaedias today.
There must be some very clever people out there, with all of this knowledge floating around.
There must be some very clever people out there, with all of this knowledge floating around.
Humph
I have just been asked if I would offer a cash discount on a book costing £2.
Like an inverted clown, I laughed inside & looked sad.
Like an inverted clown, I laughed inside & looked sad.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Experiments in Altruism
I have been doing a little experiment recently.
People often come in to offload their dross (after all, in times of global meltdown, tatty paperbacks are a surefire investment!). But for some reason, nearly every potential seller claims that the money isn't the issue, and that they merely wanting to downsize / change direction / pass on to a good home unwanted books etc. etc.
I decided to test this. As I am currently raising money for a cancer charity via a sponsored walk (feel free to send your donations), I have been soliciting sponsorship from many of the people who dare to enter the shop.
Just about every person who buys a book, has also chosen to sponsor me. (I say chosen carefully here - I may have been slightly persuasive !!).
But - I have yet to get a single sponsorship from those trying to sell.
I can understand this from people who are obviously trying to raise cash (and actually - if it is apparent that money raising is the reason for the visit - i don't even ask). But even those who claim they are not after money have turned me down when I offer to put money into the charity for their books.
I figured that if their claims are true, that money isn't the issue, and that they merely want them to go to a good home, then some might be happy if i offered to buy the books, and put some or all of the cash into the charity.
So far, they have ALL refused and either want the cash themselves or take their books away.
Now I know that they are their books, and they have a perfect right to pocket any cash for them - but it does rather give the lie to their protestations !
People often come in to offload their dross (after all, in times of global meltdown, tatty paperbacks are a surefire investment!). But for some reason, nearly every potential seller claims that the money isn't the issue, and that they merely wanting to downsize / change direction / pass on to a good home unwanted books etc. etc.
I decided to test this. As I am currently raising money for a cancer charity via a sponsored walk (feel free to send your donations), I have been soliciting sponsorship from many of the people who dare to enter the shop.
Just about every person who buys a book, has also chosen to sponsor me. (I say chosen carefully here - I may have been slightly persuasive !!).
But - I have yet to get a single sponsorship from those trying to sell.
I can understand this from people who are obviously trying to raise cash (and actually - if it is apparent that money raising is the reason for the visit - i don't even ask). But even those who claim they are not after money have turned me down when I offer to put money into the charity for their books.
I figured that if their claims are true, that money isn't the issue, and that they merely want them to go to a good home, then some might be happy if i offered to buy the books, and put some or all of the cash into the charity.
So far, they have ALL refused and either want the cash themselves or take their books away.
Now I know that they are their books, and they have a perfect right to pocket any cash for them - but it does rather give the lie to their protestations !
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Economies of Business
Sweet little couple (See I CAN be nice about customers) came into the shop and showed me a very tired copy of Robinson Crusoe from the 1880's.
"We'd like to sell you this book"
I explained that I couldn't possibly buy the book, as it was (to use a technical term) shagged.
"But it must be worth something"
"Not really madam, the book in good condition would sell for around £30 in the shop, but this one has half the pages detatched, and no spine. It would cost me £40 to repair."
"Well £30 would be ok, if thats all you can give for it."
"No madam, £30 is what i would sell it for myself, if it was all repaired and in good condition"
"This one isn't in good condition is it"
"No madam - that's why it would cost £40 to repair"
"Well £40 would be ok for it i suppose - you wouldn't go any higher"
"No madam, £40 is the repair cost - £30 the final value after repairs - I can't offer you anything"
"We could take the £30 for it"
"No if I paid you £30, then I would make a loss of £40 if i sold it after repairs"
"Well its no good making a loss is it ?"
A long pause followed. I could see the cogs gently clicking through the positions......Yes, she was working through the maths........ Nearly there - any moment now she will realise that the book is actually not an economically viable option for a bookseller.....
"I suppose we could take £20 for it if that is your best offer".
"We'd like to sell you this book"
I explained that I couldn't possibly buy the book, as it was (to use a technical term) shagged.
"But it must be worth something"
"Not really madam, the book in good condition would sell for around £30 in the shop, but this one has half the pages detatched, and no spine. It would cost me £40 to repair."
"Well £30 would be ok, if thats all you can give for it."
"No madam, £30 is what i would sell it for myself, if it was all repaired and in good condition"
"This one isn't in good condition is it"
"No madam - that's why it would cost £40 to repair"
"Well £40 would be ok for it i suppose - you wouldn't go any higher"
"No madam, £40 is the repair cost - £30 the final value after repairs - I can't offer you anything"
"We could take the £30 for it"
"No if I paid you £30, then I would make a loss of £40 if i sold it after repairs"
"Well its no good making a loss is it ?"
A long pause followed. I could see the cogs gently clicking through the positions......Yes, she was working through the maths........ Nearly there - any moment now she will realise that the book is actually not an economically viable option for a bookseller.....
"I suppose we could take £20 for it if that is your best offer".
NO I AM NOT !
Woman marches into my inner sanctum with volumes 1, 3 and 5 of a 1950's children's encylopedia - all ripped and torn, tatty and a little sad.
"How much for these ?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, its not something I can buy"
"Why not ? You are the bookseller - it's your job to buy books"
"No ma'am - the clue is in the title, it is my job to sell books"
"But i want you to buy these. Surely you have to buy books from people"
"Only if i think i can sell them"
"So what will you offer me for them ?"
I gave up at this point, melted into a pool of inconsolable sobbing an leaked all over the carpet - carefully avoiding leaking onto her immensely valuable books.
"How much for these ?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, its not something I can buy"
"Why not ? You are the bookseller - it's your job to buy books"
"No ma'am - the clue is in the title, it is my job to sell books"
"But i want you to buy these. Surely you have to buy books from people"
"Only if i think i can sell them"
"So what will you offer me for them ?"
I gave up at this point, melted into a pool of inconsolable sobbing an leaked all over the carpet - carefully avoiding leaking onto her immensely valuable books.
Intuitive Pricing
"I have an old book, how much is it worth"
"Do you have it with you sir ?"
"No - do you think I should have brought it along ?"
"Thats depends what you want to do with it. Who was the author?"
"I don't know, I can't remember the title either. But its very old. How much are old books worth?"
"Well how old is old ?"
"Oh very old, at least 5 years old. Its even in hardback."
"Do you have it with you sir ?"
"No - do you think I should have brought it along ?"
"Thats depends what you want to do with it. Who was the author?"
"I don't know, I can't remember the title either. But its very old. How much are old books worth?"
"Well how old is old ?"
"Oh very old, at least 5 years old. Its even in hardback."
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Memo to self.
Must remember
Never, never NEVER never NEVER never ever ask a customer if they are well.
Just don't do it.
Never, never NEVER never NEVER never ever ask a customer if they are well.
Just don't do it.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Dirty Phone Call
Message on the answer phone this morning.
"Hello, I have a paperback copy of xxxxx by xxxx the isbn number is xxxxxxx, Can you phone me back and tell me what it is worth please"
Now should I phone ?
"Hello, I have a paperback copy of xxxxx by xxxx the isbn number is xxxxxxx, Can you phone me back and tell me what it is worth please"
Now should I phone ?
Monday, August 18, 2008
The customer is NOT always right
Chap walks in. I knew he would be trouble as he struggled to bring in his bycycle, loaded down for a round the world trip, wooden boxes as paniers, big rucsack on the handlebars and a trailer attached. This took up most of the shop floor.
I suspected that this was full of books he wished to sell, but no, he wanted a book from the window.
"I've cycled back for the book on Protestant Island" I'm half Irish and want to read about the Protestants there".
"No sir, it is called "Protestand Island" It is by Arthur Bryant and
is about the United Kingdom - not Ireland."
"That's right - the Protestants in Ireland. How much is it?"
"£12 sir, but it isn't about Ireland - its about the British"
"I can't find Ireland in the Index"
"No sir - it won't be, it isn't about Ireland"
"Land of the free - that chapter will be about Ireland"
"Possibly sir, but it is more likely to be about America"
"Where is information about Irish Protestants"
"That will be in a different book sir, the one on Ireland perhaps"
"Well i'll take it anyway - not a good index, but i'm sure i'll find out about the Irish in it."
"Perhaps I can tempt you with my copy of "Florida, the Sunshine
State" which is all about the Jewish Irish in Lapland to go with your
collection of wildly misnamed books on bizarre subjects sir"
"I've cycled from France by bycycle as it cost too much to take a car to Normandy - it's £300 on the ferry, and only a £100 for my bycycle so i decided to take my bycyle and not a car. I don't have a car anyway".
I smiled sweetly, and bit my lip until it bled profusely.
I suspected that this was full of books he wished to sell, but no, he wanted a book from the window.
"I've cycled back for the book on Protestant Island" I'm half Irish and want to read about the Protestants there".
"No sir, it is called "Protestand Island" It is by Arthur Bryant and
is about the United Kingdom - not Ireland."
"That's right - the Protestants in Ireland. How much is it?"
"£12 sir, but it isn't about Ireland - its about the British"
"I can't find Ireland in the Index"
"No sir - it won't be, it isn't about Ireland"
"Land of the free - that chapter will be about Ireland"
"Possibly sir, but it is more likely to be about America"
"Where is information about Irish Protestants"
"That will be in a different book sir, the one on Ireland perhaps"
"Well i'll take it anyway - not a good index, but i'm sure i'll find out about the Irish in it."
"Perhaps I can tempt you with my copy of "Florida, the Sunshine
State" which is all about the Jewish Irish in Lapland to go with your
collection of wildly misnamed books on bizarre subjects sir"
"I've cycled from France by bycycle as it cost too much to take a car to Normandy - it's £300 on the ferry, and only a £100 for my bycycle so i decided to take my bycyle and not a car. I don't have a car anyway".
I smiled sweetly, and bit my lip until it bled profusely.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Big doses of Bigottry
It is tricky being a good socialist book dealer at times.
Apart from the inherent dilemma of being a capitalist company owner accumulating possessions
And (obviously) exploiting my downtrodden staff (or so they tell me)
And making my living from products whose main value is their scarcity,
There is the problem of being surrounded by Nazi Bigots.
This afternoon I received a fine racist rant from a rather smelly older gentleman.
His main argument was that the Labour party is trying to destroy the country by filling it with immigrants as foriegners hate the royal family and will bring in communism and that the blacks are filling up our country and will kill us all and look at Rhodesia and everyone is afraid to have an opinion it's political correctness gone mad i tell you we should be more like America and allow racism as the foriegners should all go back to their own country and they would kill us if they had the chance so bring back cruficixion and deportation and then flogging for a second offence and if i want to be racist why shouldn't I as they shouldnt be here in my country anyhow and i dont go live in theirs so why are they in mine and this country should be white and catholics deported too as they are all communists and don't you agree ?
So what do I say? Is the customer always right ?
What i would like to say is "Sir, not only are you a racist smelly old bigot, but you argument is facile, incorrect and just plain wrong. Please desist your ranting and depart from my premises immediately."
What I actually said was "Well I believe tolerance is important, and freedom shouldn't extent to the extent of hurting others"
Which unfortunately just set him off again.
Is one really able to confront quite objectional attitudes and opinions in ones own shop ? Yes, I can throw anyone out, but one (ex) customer muttering darkly about the shop will lose me more sales than Oxfam.
Hmmm. Any suggestions gratefully received.
Apart from the inherent dilemma of being a capitalist company owner accumulating possessions
And (obviously) exploiting my downtrodden staff (or so they tell me)
And making my living from products whose main value is their scarcity,
There is the problem of being surrounded by Nazi Bigots.
This afternoon I received a fine racist rant from a rather smelly older gentleman.
His main argument was that the Labour party is trying to destroy the country by filling it with immigrants as foriegners hate the royal family and will bring in communism and that the blacks are filling up our country and will kill us all and look at Rhodesia and everyone is afraid to have an opinion it's political correctness gone mad i tell you we should be more like America and allow racism as the foriegners should all go back to their own country and they would kill us if they had the chance so bring back cruficixion and deportation and then flogging for a second offence and if i want to be racist why shouldn't I as they shouldnt be here in my country anyhow and i dont go live in theirs so why are they in mine and this country should be white and catholics deported too as they are all communists and don't you agree ?
So what do I say? Is the customer always right ?
What i would like to say is "Sir, not only are you a racist smelly old bigot, but you argument is facile, incorrect and just plain wrong. Please desist your ranting and depart from my premises immediately."
What I actually said was "Well I believe tolerance is important, and freedom shouldn't extent to the extent of hurting others"
Which unfortunately just set him off again.
Is one really able to confront quite objectional attitudes and opinions in ones own shop ? Yes, I can throw anyone out, but one (ex) customer muttering darkly about the shop will lose me more sales than Oxfam.
Hmmm. Any suggestions gratefully received.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Feeble Excuses For Not Handing Over Cash
There are many excuses that one hears from people trying hard not to become customers.
The most common - usually after about an hours browsing, is "I must come back when I have my glasses". So what have they been doing for the hour if they haven't been looking at books ? Sleeping among the sonnets in the dark corners of the poetry room ? Pondering in the deeper recesses of political biography ? Meditating among the militaria ?
Another excuse - again normally after at least 30 minutes, is "I must come back when i have more time". I generally resist muttering "It takes 45 seconds to purchase a book, now get back in here and select one now" while smiling serenely and thanking them for their attention.
This morning I have had two more prime excuses.
Firstly, a woman came looking for "Seven Years in Tibet" when i proffer her a fine first edition copy, she looks over it for a while, before announcing that she wanted one set about 20 years earlier. "Yes, I think i need the book before this one" she announced. Give that this is the biography of one man (his only book) and the story of pretty much his whole life, it would be hard to find the "one before this one". And it was only £4 (humpf humpf).
The next lady came in and told me that she was desperate to read some of the crime novels of Antonia Fraser. The library didn't have any, and there were none on the reserve list, there were none in print, and she loved them SOOO much.
You know what's coming. Pretty certain of a sale, I offered her a choce of four of (yes four) first editions, perfect condition in dust wrappers, at a massive £5 each. "Oh No" she exclaimed... "I've never paid as much as £5 for a book before".
Bah humbug.
The most common - usually after about an hours browsing, is "I must come back when I have my glasses". So what have they been doing for the hour if they haven't been looking at books ? Sleeping among the sonnets in the dark corners of the poetry room ? Pondering in the deeper recesses of political biography ? Meditating among the militaria ?
Another excuse - again normally after at least 30 minutes, is "I must come back when i have more time". I generally resist muttering "It takes 45 seconds to purchase a book, now get back in here and select one now" while smiling serenely and thanking them for their attention.
This morning I have had two more prime excuses.
Firstly, a woman came looking for "Seven Years in Tibet" when i proffer her a fine first edition copy, she looks over it for a while, before announcing that she wanted one set about 20 years earlier. "Yes, I think i need the book before this one" she announced. Give that this is the biography of one man (his only book) and the story of pretty much his whole life, it would be hard to find the "one before this one". And it was only £4 (humpf humpf).
The next lady came in and told me that she was desperate to read some of the crime novels of Antonia Fraser. The library didn't have any, and there were none on the reserve list, there were none in print, and she loved them SOOO much.
You know what's coming. Pretty certain of a sale, I offered her a choce of four of (yes four) first editions, perfect condition in dust wrappers, at a massive £5 each. "Oh No" she exclaimed... "I've never paid as much as £5 for a book before".
Bah humbug.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Get the social services
Chap comes in and starts looking at the children's books.
He picks up a copy of "Heidi Grows up" (The sequel to Heidi obviously !) It has a young girl sitting among the flowers on the cover.
"Heidi Grows Up" he drooled.... "Now there's a fantasy come true, he he he, he he he, he he".
I just looked at him with my best Paddington glare and made a mental note to keep him away from any young people I know.
He picks up a copy of "Heidi Grows up" (The sequel to Heidi obviously !) It has a young girl sitting among the flowers on the cover.
"Heidi Grows Up" he drooled.... "Now there's a fantasy come true, he he he, he he he, he he".
I just looked at him with my best Paddington glare and made a mental note to keep him away from any young people I know.
Keen Customer
Chap was so keen to get into the shop today that he collared me in the market square, and practically frog marched me to the shop. I pointed out that I wouldn't be open for a while, as I had to tidy up some bits, put out the rubbish, and hoover the shop.
At this point, he took the hoover from me, and announced that he would hoover for me, as that way he could speed up the opening and "quiet time" reading his books.
And so he did!
He made a pretty good job of it too.
At this point, he took the hoover from me, and announced that he would hoover for me, as that way he could speed up the opening and "quiet time" reading his books.
And so he did!
He made a pretty good job of it too.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The joys of my Arch Nemesis
This week has mainly been full of people trying to offload their rubbish on me for cash, before generously donating anything totally unsalable to the local charity shops.
Some highlights have included the young chap who brought a book in that he had purchased in a local Oxfam shop, with a request for a free valuation from me. (without looking at the book, i told him that it was worth about half what he paid for it).
Later that day came another chap, who tried to sell me some garbage, and while i was declining his offer of junk that had been turned down elsewhere, he noticed that I put a couple of paperback into the paper recycling (take note Oxfam, paper doesn't HAVE to be dumped in black sacks for the bin men). He instantly switched tack, and decided that he would like these for nothing, as i was throwing them out anyway.
Finally, came the woman who tried to sell me an RAC Road Map of Britain from the year 2000. When i suggested that it was out of date, and not something that I could sell, she commented that it was no wonder that Oxfam were putting me out of business, and that THEY would appreciate her kind donation.
Thank you all, my kind local supporters.
Some highlights have included the young chap who brought a book in that he had purchased in a local Oxfam shop, with a request for a free valuation from me. (without looking at the book, i told him that it was worth about half what he paid for it).
Later that day came another chap, who tried to sell me some garbage, and while i was declining his offer of junk that had been turned down elsewhere, he noticed that I put a couple of paperback into the paper recycling (take note Oxfam, paper doesn't HAVE to be dumped in black sacks for the bin men). He instantly switched tack, and decided that he would like these for nothing, as i was throwing them out anyway.
Finally, came the woman who tried to sell me an RAC Road Map of Britain from the year 2000. When i suggested that it was out of date, and not something that I could sell, she commented that it was no wonder that Oxfam were putting me out of business, and that THEY would appreciate her kind donation.
Thank you all, my kind local supporters.
Parking
A woman dashes into the shop and practically throws herself at the counter.
I instantly suspect a new, novel approach to selling me books, but am caught off guard by her request.
Apparently, she had a 30 minute tanning session in the beauticians up the road, and would I mind awfully keeping an eye for traffic wardens, and fetching her if any appear, as she just HAD to leave her car on the double yellow lines outside my shop.
I suggested that car park in the next street would be a better solution, but apparently that was too far to walk. I pointed out (muttering under my breath that the tanning salon was too far for me to walk) that I had a shop to run, and couldn't guarantee seeing a warden, but i would do my best.
31 minutes later the storm of her entrance returned, and i suspected that i had missed a warden, and was about to receive the brunt of her freshly tanned and scrubbed wrath, but she was just whirling in to say thank you for looking after her car.
I mentioned that it was nothing (which was true, as i hadn't done anything - don't think i had even glanced outside) and sat warmly glowing in the reflected glory of her tan and praise.
She didn't buy a book though.
I instantly suspect a new, novel approach to selling me books, but am caught off guard by her request.
Apparently, she had a 30 minute tanning session in the beauticians up the road, and would I mind awfully keeping an eye for traffic wardens, and fetching her if any appear, as she just HAD to leave her car on the double yellow lines outside my shop.
I suggested that car park in the next street would be a better solution, but apparently that was too far to walk. I pointed out (muttering under my breath that the tanning salon was too far for me to walk) that I had a shop to run, and couldn't guarantee seeing a warden, but i would do my best.
31 minutes later the storm of her entrance returned, and i suspected that i had missed a warden, and was about to receive the brunt of her freshly tanned and scrubbed wrath, but she was just whirling in to say thank you for looking after her car.
I mentioned that it was nothing (which was true, as i hadn't done anything - don't think i had even glanced outside) and sat warmly glowing in the reflected glory of her tan and praise.
She didn't buy a book though.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Bad hair day
Woman walks into the shop, and approaches me with a "hello, i know you are busy"
I instantly suspected a sale pitch, but no. She then asked.
"Do you have a book for thickening up hair ?"
I looked suitably blank (not having a clue what she was talking about)
"My sister has a bald patch, and I want a book to thicken her hair... I'd pay anything for it"
"Ah, do you mean a book about hairdressing madam ?"
"Not really, I don't want to do hairdressing, i just want to know how to thicken my sisters hair"
I suggested that it might be easier to just ask a hairdresser for advice, which she thought was a jolly good idea, and set off to obtain immediately.
I instantly suspected a sale pitch, but no. She then asked.
"Do you have a book for thickening up hair ?"
I looked suitably blank (not having a clue what she was talking about)
"My sister has a bald patch, and I want a book to thicken her hair... I'd pay anything for it"
"Ah, do you mean a book about hairdressing madam ?"
"Not really, I don't want to do hairdressing, i just want to know how to thicken my sisters hair"
I suggested that it might be easier to just ask a hairdresser for advice, which she thought was a jolly good idea, and set off to obtain immediately.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Mein Can't
Chap comes in, and doesn't even bother coming fully into the shop, he just stands in the doorway and summons me (guaranteed to make me a happy bunny and keen on their books). He then announced that he has "A rare and valuable copy of Mein Kampf from 1939, worth £100" - what will I give for it.
I said that I wouldn't sell it for £100 and it was very difficult to sell. I would only pay a maximum of £20 for it. (It's not particularly rare, and you can get reasonable copies for £15 - £20 or a very good one for £40)
He shook his head wisely and told me it was worth far more that this. He has already shown it to a bookshop in Southampton, and they are very interested in acquiring it. Now my mates Pete and Brian in Southampton would almost certainly not be keen on acquiring a copy of Mein Kampf - and if they were, they would just buy it ! I told him he should just sell it to them, but apparently they aren't offering enough either.
He asked me how he should sell it, and I said that he could try ebay. Yet more wise smiles - he's already tried that and it was removed for being offensive material. I gave my own wise smile and pointed out, that yes, it was difficult to sell ! I don't think he got it, but I'm sure he and his copy of very expensive Mein Kampf will be happy together !
I said that I wouldn't sell it for £100 and it was very difficult to sell. I would only pay a maximum of £20 for it. (It's not particularly rare, and you can get reasonable copies for £15 - £20 or a very good one for £40)
He shook his head wisely and told me it was worth far more that this. He has already shown it to a bookshop in Southampton, and they are very interested in acquiring it. Now my mates Pete and Brian in Southampton would almost certainly not be keen on acquiring a copy of Mein Kampf - and if they were, they would just buy it ! I told him he should just sell it to them, but apparently they aren't offering enough either.
He asked me how he should sell it, and I said that he could try ebay. Yet more wise smiles - he's already tried that and it was removed for being offensive material. I gave my own wise smile and pointed out, that yes, it was difficult to sell ! I don't think he got it, but I'm sure he and his copy of very expensive Mein Kampf will be happy together !
Monday, April 07, 2008
Hmmm
"Are we allowed to choose our own book ?"
Ah if only you weren't.
We would do so much better if I could choose which books people had to have. All my old and unsaleable ones would fly off the shelves.
"Yes madam, I am certain that Sweet and Maxwell's "Medical Negligence in County Court Judgements" is a thrilling book, and will certainly keep you amused for hours"
Ah if only you weren't.
We would do so much better if I could choose which books people had to have. All my old and unsaleable ones would fly off the shelves.
"Yes madam, I am certain that Sweet and Maxwell's "Medical Negligence in County Court Judgements" is a thrilling book, and will certainly keep you amused for hours"
Fishy Fiction
Elederly chap comes in.
Looking for a book. Can't remember the title or the author.
But the authors man is a fish - comes in tins - quite tasty.
All of the customers (yes I had several) joined in to try to help. He was offered Sardines, but apparently it begins with a 'C' and is the cheapest fish you get in a tin.
Suggested Cod, Colley, Carp, Californian Sardine, Kippers (yes I know) and various others, but no joy. He went off promising to return with the name.
He hasn't.
I am frustrated now. Suggestions please.
Looking for a book. Can't remember the title or the author.
But the authors man is a fish - comes in tins - quite tasty.
All of the customers (yes I had several) joined in to try to help. He was offered Sardines, but apparently it begins with a 'C' and is the cheapest fish you get in a tin.
Suggested Cod, Colley, Carp, Californian Sardine, Kippers (yes I know) and various others, but no joy. He went off promising to return with the name.
He hasn't.
I am frustrated now. Suggestions please.
New World Order
Yee Haa.
They do exist.
I have just been on the end of an genuine rant by a genuine conspiracy theorist who genuinely believes that the world is secretly run by the New World Order. I didn't think they really existed (The conspirasists that is - obviously the New World Order exist).
He also believes that Jews run the NWO, that members of the House of Lords are practicing their marksmanship in Westminster to defend themselves against the revolution. etc etc etc.
Here was here about 20 mins and paused for breath once.
I just smiled sweetly and glazed over!
They do exist.
I have just been on the end of an genuine rant by a genuine conspiracy theorist who genuinely believes that the world is secretly run by the New World Order. I didn't think they really existed (The conspirasists that is - obviously the New World Order exist).
He also believes that Jews run the NWO, that members of the House of Lords are practicing their marksmanship in Westminster to defend themselves against the revolution. etc etc etc.
Here was here about 20 mins and paused for breath once.
I just smiled sweetly and glazed over!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Changing Rooms
It is snowing outside (Yippee - cold snowy weather - must be a UK summer on the way).
Chap has just walked in, undone his rucsac, spent 5 minutes emptying it, spreading all of his belongings around the floor, and making little piles of stuff. He then put on his waterproof trousers and coat, spent another 5 mins repacking it all neatly, and walked out again.
Not a word of hello, good bye, or may i use your shop as a temporary changing room / repacking facility.
Pah.
Remind me again about how much I love my customers.
(and while we are at it, define a customer).
Chap has just walked in, undone his rucsac, spent 5 minutes emptying it, spreading all of his belongings around the floor, and making little piles of stuff. He then put on his waterproof trousers and coat, spent another 5 mins repacking it all neatly, and walked out again.
Not a word of hello, good bye, or may i use your shop as a temporary changing room / repacking facility.
Pah.
Remind me again about how much I love my customers.
(and while we are at it, define a customer).
freebies
Chap walks in with the customary and highly cheerful "Good Morning, how are you today" that you just KNOW means he is going to try to sell you something.
He comes up to the counter, and pulls out a month old and tatty copy of "Antiques Explorer" magazine. A free mag, that we distribute from the shop. "Would you be interested in buying this ?" he asks.
"But we give it out free to the public"
"Yes but this is a back issue - surely there are some collectors"
after pointing out that a month old is not quite into the antiquarian and collectible scale of things, i dig out another 10 copies that we failed to hand out for free, and ask him if he would like to take these to add to his collection - that way he can make a real killing if he finds anyone stupid enough to buy them!
Sadly he doesn't want my copies. I guess i will have to recycle them as usual!
He comes up to the counter, and pulls out a month old and tatty copy of "Antiques Explorer" magazine. A free mag, that we distribute from the shop. "Would you be interested in buying this ?" he asks.
"But we give it out free to the public"
"Yes but this is a back issue - surely there are some collectors"
after pointing out that a month old is not quite into the antiquarian and collectible scale of things, i dig out another 10 copies that we failed to hand out for free, and ask him if he would like to take these to add to his collection - that way he can make a real killing if he finds anyone stupid enough to buy them!
Sadly he doesn't want my copies. I guess i will have to recycle them as usual!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Even Newer Levels of Cheek
Elderly woman walks into the shop, and asks if we have a copy of Kahlil Gibran "The Prophet".
A reasonable request, and we provide one instantly (From our little stash of Prophets beneath the desk) priced at a very respectable £3. (Oh yes, bargain prices).
She is very excited and tells me that she wants to send one of the poems to her grandson.
She then sits down, pulls out a pad of paper, and copies the poem out.
Saying to me "I do hope you don't mind me copying it rather than buying it."
I tell her that I am beyond the point of caring, and just proceed to bang my head against the keyboard for a while.
A reasonable request, and we provide one instantly (From our little stash of Prophets beneath the desk) priced at a very respectable £3. (Oh yes, bargain prices).
She is very excited and tells me that she wants to send one of the poems to her grandson.
She then sits down, pulls out a pad of paper, and copies the poem out.
Saying to me "I do hope you don't mind me copying it rather than buying it."
I tell her that I am beyond the point of caring, and just proceed to bang my head against the keyboard for a while.
Monday, March 03, 2008
New levels of cheek
Man phones the shop, and announces that he is on a mobile and has no credit, can I call him back.
When I do, he tells me how he has found a book, and wants to know what it is worth. Doesn't even want to sell it. Just wants a free valuation over the phone.
I think I may have to join the Inquisition of the Cathars - "Kill them all, God will know his own"
When I do, he tells me how he has found a book, and wants to know what it is worth. Doesn't even want to sell it. Just wants a free valuation over the phone.
I think I may have to join the Inquisition of the Cathars - "Kill them all, God will know his own"
Friday, February 29, 2008
Valuation Service
Gentleman walks in and we have the following conversation (which I promise is not edited or made up):
Muppet: "I have some bird books - how much are they worth ?"
Mitchell: "I don't know - do you have them with you"
Muppet: "No"
Mitchell: "Well who is the Author ?"
Muppet: "I Don't know"
Mitchell: "Well do you know the title ?"
Muppet: "I Don't know"
Mitchell: "Well how old are the books ?"
Muppet: "I Don't know - they are a bit tatty - are they worth rebinding ?"
Mitchell: "That would depend on how much they are worth"
Muppet: "Oh - there are six of them. How much would they be worth then ?"
At least he didn't tell me they were blue !!!!!
Muppet: "I have some bird books - how much are they worth ?"
Mitchell: "I don't know - do you have them with you"
Muppet: "No"
Mitchell: "Well who is the Author ?"
Muppet: "I Don't know"
Mitchell: "Well do you know the title ?"
Muppet: "I Don't know"
Mitchell: "Well how old are the books ?"
Muppet: "I Don't know - they are a bit tatty - are they worth rebinding ?"
Mitchell: "That would depend on how much they are worth"
Muppet: "Oh - there are six of them. How much would they be worth then ?"
At least he didn't tell me they were blue !!!!!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Top Titles
You couldn't make this up.
I have just listed on the internet two fine books, written in the 1930's.
The author is H. A. Manhood.
The first book is called "Night seed" the second is "Gay Agony"
Fnarr fnarr. Definately a Viz moment.
I have just listed on the internet two fine books, written in the 1930's.
The author is H. A. Manhood.
The first book is called "Night seed" the second is "Gay Agony"
Fnarr fnarr. Definately a Viz moment.
French stuff
Chap comes in and asks if I deal with manuscripts. I tell him that I do sometimes, and he pulls out an old French vellum handwritten manuscript which he tells me is from 1647 and asks me what I can tell him about it.
His manner made me a little suspicious - so I asked him if he was wanting to sell it. He replied "Oh no- I shall sell it on ebay, I just want you to give me information about it"
I told him that it was a french handwritten manuscript and that was all I knew about it. He pointed out that he already knew that, and that I hadn't even touched it.
"Quite" I replied - feeling very smug and ascerbic (Is this why I have no customers ?).
His manner made me a little suspicious - so I asked him if he was wanting to sell it. He replied "Oh no- I shall sell it on ebay, I just want you to give me information about it"
I told him that it was a french handwritten manuscript and that was all I knew about it. He pointed out that he already knew that, and that I hadn't even touched it.
"Quite" I replied - feeling very smug and ascerbic (Is this why I have no customers ?).
Dirty Rotten Scoundrel
I always hate people tryin to con me (almost as much as i hate those who manage it).
Chap arrives in the shop and spends some time looking through the History section. Eventually he asks me if I can get hold of a book for him. It is his brothers birthday, and he has asked for a specific Victorian history book. After I have got the name and author, he says that it MUST be the second edition from 1861.
I managed to find a copy located in the USA, and quote him a price of £16 (including £8 shipping and dealer price of £6 - so a grand total of £2 profit for me). He says he will think about it and goes off.
Ten minutes later, he reappears, and pulls a copy of the same book out of an Oxfam bag (second edition of course!) and tells me that miraculously, he has just found the book in Oxfam. He has now suddenly decided that he doesn't wish to give it to his brother (even though he had requested it) and what would I offer him for it.
He was most upset when I said I would give him £1. He pointed out that I had just asked him £16, and i explained again the breakdown of this. I also told him that it was the sort of book and condition that I would sell for £3 - hence the £1 offer. His reply was that he had just paid Oxfam £5 - wouldn't I at least give him that (Oh No !!) and what was he meant to do with it now.
Resisting the urge to tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine, I suggested that he try to sell it to Oxfam, as they had such a high opinion of it. He went of a little disgruntled.
And I was glad.
Chap arrives in the shop and spends some time looking through the History section. Eventually he asks me if I can get hold of a book for him. It is his brothers birthday, and he has asked for a specific Victorian history book. After I have got the name and author, he says that it MUST be the second edition from 1861.
I managed to find a copy located in the USA, and quote him a price of £16 (including £8 shipping and dealer price of £6 - so a grand total of £2 profit for me). He says he will think about it and goes off.
Ten minutes later, he reappears, and pulls a copy of the same book out of an Oxfam bag (second edition of course!) and tells me that miraculously, he has just found the book in Oxfam. He has now suddenly decided that he doesn't wish to give it to his brother (even though he had requested it) and what would I offer him for it.
He was most upset when I said I would give him £1. He pointed out that I had just asked him £16, and i explained again the breakdown of this. I also told him that it was the sort of book and condition that I would sell for £3 - hence the £1 offer. His reply was that he had just paid Oxfam £5 - wouldn't I at least give him that (Oh No !!) and what was he meant to do with it now.
Resisting the urge to tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine, I suggested that he try to sell it to Oxfam, as they had such a high opinion of it. He went of a little disgruntled.
And I was glad.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Postal problems
Chap phones up to complain about a book order I have sent him.
I look up the order, and assure him that the books have gone out to him with Royal Mail.
"Oh I know that, I found them in my garden" it seems that the postie left them half in his letter box, and someone pulled them out,and threw them into the bushes.
He wanted to know what I was going to do about it.
I paused bleakly for a moment (wondering what all this had to do with me) and asked him how much damage there was to the books.
"Nothing at all, you wrapped them very well, but I wondered what compensation I would receive from you for them being thrown into the hedge"
I shall stop here !
I look up the order, and assure him that the books have gone out to him with Royal Mail.
"Oh I know that, I found them in my garden" it seems that the postie left them half in his letter box, and someone pulled them out,and threw them into the bushes.
He wanted to know what I was going to do about it.
I paused bleakly for a moment (wondering what all this had to do with me) and asked him how much damage there was to the books.
"Nothing at all, you wrapped them very well, but I wondered what compensation I would receive from you for them being thrown into the hedge"
I shall stop here !
Thursday, September 20, 2007
So far
It is now 12.30. So far today I have been asked for advice on the following:
1) Can you recommend an internet Cafe
2) Can you tell me whether it is ok for a vegetarian to drink milk, as there may be fatty deposits in it. (Chap thinking of becoming veggie!)
3) I need somewhere to live, can you help me find a flat
4) Who invented the Blitzkrieg ? No book required - just a name
5) Can I borrow an old map - I just want to see if a pond was in Fordingbridge in 1800.
I promise I haven't made any of these up - all this morning too.
1) Can you recommend an internet Cafe
2) Can you tell me whether it is ok for a vegetarian to drink milk, as there may be fatty deposits in it. (Chap thinking of becoming veggie!)
3) I need somewhere to live, can you help me find a flat
4) Who invented the Blitzkrieg ? No book required - just a name
5) Can I borrow an old map - I just want to see if a pond was in Fordingbridge in 1800.
I promise I haven't made any of these up - all this morning too.
Not just me
Hurrah,
It isn't only me !!!
I was in Waterstones the other day (I know - just looking at recently published titles - honest Your Honour), when I overheard the following.
"Hello, can you point me to the sellotape, and the children's toys please"
"Children's toys madam, we don't sell children's toys"
"Why not, you should do"
"No, we sell books madam"
"Why don't you sell children's toys?"
"Because we are a bookshop, why don't you try Woolworth's opposite"
"You mean this isn't Woolworths.... Well why didn't you tell me?"
So other bookshops do get them as well.
It isn't only me !!!
I was in Waterstones the other day (I know - just looking at recently published titles - honest Your Honour), when I overheard the following.
"Hello, can you point me to the sellotape, and the children's toys please"
"Children's toys madam, we don't sell children's toys"
"Why not, you should do"
"No, we sell books madam"
"Why don't you sell children's toys?"
"Because we are a bookshop, why don't you try Woolworth's opposite"
"You mean this isn't Woolworths.... Well why didn't you tell me?"
So other bookshops do get them as well.
A little Vague
"Hello,I was watching an interesting programme with Simon Schama on the History Channel last night. He was talking about the history of Wales, and carrying a book. Can you get me a copy of it please."
Now people, you just KNOW that he didn't have any clues about author or title. The only extra bit of information I managed to get was "It might have been a Penguin"
Now people, you just KNOW that he didn't have any clues about author or title. The only extra bit of information I managed to get was "It might have been a Penguin"
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
A little unsure
Lady phones up.
"I saw your advert... Are you interested in books?"
Resisting the urge to make sarcastic replies about hating the damn things, I tell her that it depends on the books and ask what sort they are.
"Ohh I don't know"
"Well what Subjects"
"I don't know... all sorts"
"Erm, hardback or paperback ?"
"I don't know"
"Well how old are they?
You know what's coming "I don't know"
At this point, I have got a little bored, so I tell her that they are not really the sort I can sell, and that she should probably give them to a charity shop.
"So are they not valuable then ?"
I can't resist it.. I have to answer with "I don't know".
"I saw your advert... Are you interested in books?"
Resisting the urge to make sarcastic replies about hating the damn things, I tell her that it depends on the books and ask what sort they are.
"Ohh I don't know"
"Well what Subjects"
"I don't know... all sorts"
"Erm, hardback or paperback ?"
"I don't know"
"Well how old are they?
You know what's coming "I don't know"
At this point, I have got a little bored, so I tell her that they are not really the sort I can sell, and that she should probably give them to a charity shop.
"So are they not valuable then ?"
I can't resist it.. I have to answer with "I don't know".
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Peter Rabbit and the detestable fraud
Thought I had blogged this one a while ago - but have checked and apparently not!
The day before this happened, Antiques Roadshow had uncovered a Peter Rabbit first edition, and valued it at several thousand pounds. As a result, I sat quaking in my little shop, waiting for the deluge of Peter Rabbit first editions to come flooding through the doors. Actually, I only had 5. Four people were perfectly civil and quite reasonable about their books. (See I CAN be nice about customers) Then there was this one ......
Woman (Aint no lady here honey) of a certain age (the certain age was approx 65 if I am generous) stomps into the shop in her wellies and hacking jacket, She was obviously pretty wealthy judging by the cut of her jib. (She had a sailing boat moored up outside). and exclaims in a loud and rather posh voice.
"I have a first edition Peter Rabbit I am willing to sell you"
"Are you sure it is a first edition, there aren't many around"
"Of course I am, it was brought for my grandmother as a child... I know how much they are worth, so don't you try to con me"
The book in question was bought out, and placed down for my perusal. I could see immediately (Cos I am ded clever) that all was not as it should be. (The plastic laminate cover was an immediate give away) so I asked a few further questions.
"You are sure that this is the same book your grandmother was given"
"Of course I am, don't be ridiculous"
"You didn't buy another copy to read at some point, to protect and older one"
"No, this is a first edition, and don't you try to rip me off, I know it is worth several thousand pounds"
She was irritating me by this point, so I decided I couldn't be bothered playing any more.
"Madam, this book was not given to your grandmother, unless she was already quite old when she got it. This book was published in 1984. There is an ISBN on the verso of the title page, and a barcode chip. ISBN's were not introduced in this country until 1971 (See how much you learn on this blog!!!!) and computer barcodes were certainly not around in Victorian England. To make it even more certain, there is a printing date of July 1984 just here (showing her the offending date at the back of the book). This book is a modern copy not a first edition, and is worth about a pound.
A bony grabbing little hand came out in a flash "Well just give me a pound for it then"
Now do you think she A) got a pound of me for the book or B) got verbally thrown out of the shop with a Paddington stare following her ?
The day before this happened, Antiques Roadshow had uncovered a Peter Rabbit first edition, and valued it at several thousand pounds. As a result, I sat quaking in my little shop, waiting for the deluge of Peter Rabbit first editions to come flooding through the doors. Actually, I only had 5. Four people were perfectly civil and quite reasonable about their books. (See I CAN be nice about customers) Then there was this one ......
Woman (Aint no lady here honey) of a certain age (the certain age was approx 65 if I am generous) stomps into the shop in her wellies and hacking jacket, She was obviously pretty wealthy judging by the cut of her jib. (She had a sailing boat moored up outside). and exclaims in a loud and rather posh voice.
"I have a first edition Peter Rabbit I am willing to sell you"
"Are you sure it is a first edition, there aren't many around"
"Of course I am, it was brought for my grandmother as a child... I know how much they are worth, so don't you try to con me"
The book in question was bought out, and placed down for my perusal. I could see immediately (Cos I am ded clever) that all was not as it should be. (The plastic laminate cover was an immediate give away) so I asked a few further questions.
"You are sure that this is the same book your grandmother was given"
"Of course I am, don't be ridiculous"
"You didn't buy another copy to read at some point, to protect and older one"
"No, this is a first edition, and don't you try to rip me off, I know it is worth several thousand pounds"
She was irritating me by this point, so I decided I couldn't be bothered playing any more.
"Madam, this book was not given to your grandmother, unless she was already quite old when she got it. This book was published in 1984. There is an ISBN on the verso of the title page, and a barcode chip. ISBN's were not introduced in this country until 1971 (See how much you learn on this blog!!!!) and computer barcodes were certainly not around in Victorian England. To make it even more certain, there is a printing date of July 1984 just here (showing her the offending date at the back of the book). This book is a modern copy not a first edition, and is worth about a pound.
A bony grabbing little hand came out in a flash "Well just give me a pound for it then"
Now do you think she A) got a pound of me for the book or B) got verbally thrown out of the shop with a Paddington stare following her ?
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
blaggity damn soddity
Most irritating man came in.
He emptied a plastic carrier bag onto the desk - just tipped it out. In there were a few book club books with torn wrappers, a readers digest, a couple of paperbacks and a couple of very shagged ex-library books with the price 50p pencilled in them. The whole lot was dirty, dishevelled and useless (I little like him - boom boom).
"How much are you going to give me for these" (Not a great way to open negotiations anyway)
I explained that I didn't buy paperbacks, book club, readers digest or shagged library books, and that we are an Antiquarian bookshop.
"Well where can I sell them - its hard work getting money for books these days, the other bookshops turned them down - I thought YOU would buy them".
Further irritated that I was the third place he had visited with this croc of shite I told him that the only place for these was a charity shop.
"Why should I give them to charity? I paid good money for these"
I pointed out that the highest price he had paid was 50p and that he had the benefit of reading them, and suggested that if he didn't want to pass on the benefit of them, he should just throw them away, as there wasn't a bookshop in the country that would buy this sort of book.
He stormed out of the shop, mutterering about how we had wasted his day going round the book shops with them.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that such people are horrible little cheap, tight, dirty swines, who deserve locking in a room of cash, which is just out of reach of their greedy little clutching hands ?
Bless 'em all....
He emptied a plastic carrier bag onto the desk - just tipped it out. In there were a few book club books with torn wrappers, a readers digest, a couple of paperbacks and a couple of very shagged ex-library books with the price 50p pencilled in them. The whole lot was dirty, dishevelled and useless (I little like him - boom boom).
"How much are you going to give me for these" (Not a great way to open negotiations anyway)
I explained that I didn't buy paperbacks, book club, readers digest or shagged library books, and that we are an Antiquarian bookshop.
"Well where can I sell them - its hard work getting money for books these days, the other bookshops turned them down - I thought YOU would buy them".
Further irritated that I was the third place he had visited with this croc of shite I told him that the only place for these was a charity shop.
"Why should I give them to charity? I paid good money for these"
I pointed out that the highest price he had paid was 50p and that he had the benefit of reading them, and suggested that if he didn't want to pass on the benefit of them, he should just throw them away, as there wasn't a bookshop in the country that would buy this sort of book.
He stormed out of the shop, mutterering about how we had wasted his day going round the book shops with them.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that such people are horrible little cheap, tight, dirty swines, who deserve locking in a room of cash, which is just out of reach of their greedy little clutching hands ?
Bless 'em all....
Many a cross word was spoken !
Bloke walks into the shop and presents me with a slightly crumpled book of crossword puzzles, which he hopes I will purchase from him. In my nicest voice, I decline his generous offer (Well not so generous - he wants my cash).
His reply is to ask "Why wont you buy it, my wife has only done some of them - there's plenty more for someone else to do"
What do you say to that ? Come on - how can I reasonably respond ?
(I stuck by my declention by the way).
His reply is to ask "Why wont you buy it, my wife has only done some of them - there's plenty more for someone else to do"
What do you say to that ? Come on - how can I reasonably respond ?
(I stuck by my declention by the way).
Sunday, September 02, 2007
The Youth of Today
Bless Em....
Three kind souls, who felt that my shop needed a bit of a change, decided to smash the window and do in the bookcase before running off into the night.
Apparently they were young teenagers a little under the Affluence of Inkerhol.
Now I am the last to complain about people canning it a bit on a Friday night - but I'm not convinced they need to break my windows after.
That, however, is not what I am blogging about.
Next day, I had to clean up and get rid of the glass.
And endure EVERY person over 40 in town coming in to complain about young people, about night time in town, to mutter about how they should be strung up, executed etc: By the end of the day, I wanted to go and get drunk and hang out with the kids, break a few windows and tell the old gits to get lost etc etc.
I should be grateful that they are concerned enough to come in and sympathise with me. One day, one of them will actually buy a book and so put something into the "Window Restoration Fund"
Three kind souls, who felt that my shop needed a bit of a change, decided to smash the window and do in the bookcase before running off into the night.
Apparently they were young teenagers a little under the Affluence of Inkerhol.
Now I am the last to complain about people canning it a bit on a Friday night - but I'm not convinced they need to break my windows after.
That, however, is not what I am blogging about.
Next day, I had to clean up and get rid of the glass.
And endure EVERY person over 40 in town coming in to complain about young people, about night time in town, to mutter about how they should be strung up, executed etc: By the end of the day, I wanted to go and get drunk and hang out with the kids, break a few windows and tell the old gits to get lost etc etc.
I should be grateful that they are concerned enough to come in and sympathise with me. One day, one of them will actually buy a book and so put something into the "Window Restoration Fund"
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Long time coming
4 hours.
4 (yes FOUR) hours
That is how long Mr Boring sat in the shop and talked at me yesterday.
This chap came in, and had a little look around the shop. Pleasant enough, but was interested in things which weren't really grabbing me - and was telling me about them at great length
(Imagine a slightly nasal accent and slow voice) "Yeas, of course the velocity of the SP54 a type engine was considerably greater than the SP53 but it did suffer from a distinct lack of power on the upward rail stretches on the West Coast Line which I would venture to suggest limited its value to the GWR - wouldn't you agree"
Having looked around, he didn't actually decide to buy anything, but just parked himself in the chair in the front room, and talked at (yes at) me from 10.20 am until 2.18pm.
He gave me false hope by announcing that he had to go several times, but they never amounted to anything.. he just kept going on and on and on and on and on and on.
Fortunately I was able to tune him out, and so I continued to process orders and place books online. At one point he asked me if I minded him wittering on to me, and I replied, No, as long as he didn't mind me ignoring him. He pointed out that I wasn't ignoring him and we were having a lovely conversation (I think that one was about UFO's being the probable cause of crop circles, although the merits of the electro magnetic variation theory did somewhat attract him) Eventually he left, wishing me a happy week until his return next week
Oh yes - he comes in once a week to the big city on the bus. Whimper whimper sob sob.
4 (yes FOUR) hours
That is how long Mr Boring sat in the shop and talked at me yesterday.
This chap came in, and had a little look around the shop. Pleasant enough, but was interested in things which weren't really grabbing me - and was telling me about them at great length
(Imagine a slightly nasal accent and slow voice) "Yeas, of course the velocity of the SP54 a type engine was considerably greater than the SP53 but it did suffer from a distinct lack of power on the upward rail stretches on the West Coast Line which I would venture to suggest limited its value to the GWR - wouldn't you agree"
Having looked around, he didn't actually decide to buy anything, but just parked himself in the chair in the front room, and talked at (yes at) me from 10.20 am until 2.18pm.
He gave me false hope by announcing that he had to go several times, but they never amounted to anything.. he just kept going on and on and on and on and on and on.
Fortunately I was able to tune him out, and so I continued to process orders and place books online. At one point he asked me if I minded him wittering on to me, and I replied, No, as long as he didn't mind me ignoring him. He pointed out that I wasn't ignoring him and we were having a lovely conversation (I think that one was about UFO's being the probable cause of crop circles, although the merits of the electro magnetic variation theory did somewhat attract him) Eventually he left, wishing me a happy week until his return next week
Oh yes - he comes in once a week to the big city on the bus. Whimper whimper sob sob.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Ranty Rant Rant
AAAAArrrggghhh.
No humour today sadly.
I have been keeping a tally of the number of people trying to sell books over the last few days. Since last Thursday morning (That's six days including a sunday!) I have been offered 63 lots of books.
In this same period, while averaging 12.6 offers per working day, I have averaged 5 sales per day. So at least twice as many people are trying to get money from me as purchase books.
Some people would be grateful for the opportunity to acquire more stock. Not me ! I would if it they had the slightest potential to be stock. Of all of these books, I have purchased one. (Yes one). The rest was comprised of the sort of junk that a charity shop would turn away. Mouldy hardback reprints of bookclub books. Tatty novels with wrappers half ripped off, plastic bags stuffed with dirty creased paperbacks.
Having tried hard to create a shop that is clean and tidy, with high quality stock (lots of it leather bound and antiquarian) in neat wrappers where appropriate, protected in removeable film..... you get the picture.... these books just feel insulting to me.
I would like to be generous, and think that people don't know the difference between a valuable book and a paperback, but that doesn't even seem to be true. When I decline their stock, they often comment that they are on the way to the charity shop with it, and just thought they would try and get a few pounds first. So they know that they are pretty worthless. Or there are the ones who either have no idea of economics, or are just greedy. When I point out that I don't buy paperbacks as I sell them for a pound or two, so it isn't economic, they reply that that is fine, two pounds a paperback will be adequate. Even when I point out that this would mean I was giving them more than I would actually sell the book for, they don't seem to get it!
I think the thing that annoys me more than anything, is that NONE of these books come from me in the first place. People buy these tatty relics at car boots and charity shops, then expect to make a profit by passing them on to me. Greedy greedy greedy...... Did I mention how much I dislike greed ?
Ok enough rant - thought for once I would just vent my feelings a little, and live up to the blogs name!
Sob sob sob
No humour today sadly.
I have been keeping a tally of the number of people trying to sell books over the last few days. Since last Thursday morning (That's six days including a sunday!) I have been offered 63 lots of books.
In this same period, while averaging 12.6 offers per working day, I have averaged 5 sales per day. So at least twice as many people are trying to get money from me as purchase books.
Some people would be grateful for the opportunity to acquire more stock. Not me ! I would if it they had the slightest potential to be stock. Of all of these books, I have purchased one. (Yes one). The rest was comprised of the sort of junk that a charity shop would turn away. Mouldy hardback reprints of bookclub books. Tatty novels with wrappers half ripped off, plastic bags stuffed with dirty creased paperbacks.
Having tried hard to create a shop that is clean and tidy, with high quality stock (lots of it leather bound and antiquarian) in neat wrappers where appropriate, protected in removeable film..... you get the picture.... these books just feel insulting to me.
I would like to be generous, and think that people don't know the difference between a valuable book and a paperback, but that doesn't even seem to be true. When I decline their stock, they often comment that they are on the way to the charity shop with it, and just thought they would try and get a few pounds first. So they know that they are pretty worthless. Or there are the ones who either have no idea of economics, or are just greedy. When I point out that I don't buy paperbacks as I sell them for a pound or two, so it isn't economic, they reply that that is fine, two pounds a paperback will be adequate. Even when I point out that this would mean I was giving them more than I would actually sell the book for, they don't seem to get it!
I think the thing that annoys me more than anything, is that NONE of these books come from me in the first place. People buy these tatty relics at car boots and charity shops, then expect to make a profit by passing them on to me. Greedy greedy greedy...... Did I mention how much I dislike greed ?
Ok enough rant - thought for once I would just vent my feelings a little, and live up to the blogs name!
Sob sob sob
Friday, June 29, 2007
Jewellery stuff
Woman walked in this afternoon.
"Have you got any rings"
"Rings madam?" says I (Come on then - what would you say?)
"Yes, rings - the charity shops are closed - I need some rings and don't know where to go - I'm new to Salisbury."
"This is a bookshop Madam."
"But I want to buy a ring."
"How about a jewellers madam."
"Do you think so ? - I'll try that then"
And she walked out.
"Have you got any rings"
"Rings madam?" says I (Come on then - what would you say?)
"Yes, rings - the charity shops are closed - I need some rings and don't know where to go - I'm new to Salisbury."
"This is a bookshop Madam."
"But I want to buy a ring."
"How about a jewellers madam."
"Do you think so ? - I'll try that then"
And she walked out.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Ever hopeful
Chap calls me out to his house. He had sold me a couple of boxes of books a while ago, for which I paid £100. It should have been about £70 but he gave me a sob story about decorating the house before his wife got out of hospital.
So I went in again, these are now the tail end of his collection, and not particularly special. I offered him £50 (and that was probably generous).
"Oh dear" he said "I thought you always paid £100 for books, and I need a hundred to pay for some more decorating, so can you make it £100 please".
I resisted the temptation!
So I went in again, these are now the tail end of his collection, and not particularly special. I offered him £50 (and that was probably generous).
"Oh dear" he said "I thought you always paid £100 for books, and I need a hundred to pay for some more decorating, so can you make it £100 please".
I resisted the temptation!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Wasted Journey
A sweet little couple visited the shop from Totton today. That's about 45 minutes drive away (For me - probably took them a couple of hours !) They came in and announced that having seen the shop on TV - it had taken them a while to find as they couldn't remember the name of the shop or the street. While the lady of indeterminate years sat a wheezed for a while - her husband eventually came to the point. He had that particular slow and nasal voice, that has convinced me he is probably called Malcolm or Dereck.
"We thought you looked as if you liked books on the television - so we thought you might like to buy some gardening books from us"
"What sort of gardening books?" (Said I, full of energy, enthusiasm and vigour).
"I don't know really.... different sizes and colours..."
"erm... Well how many, and do you know the titles"
"Oh four of five books. One mentions begonias in the title...."
"Ok, well you've driven over from Totton - are they still in the car ?"
"No... we thought we would drive over and see if you were interested - if you want to see them, we can come back with them another day..."
"Well, possibly, I hate to cause people special journeys... Do you often come to Salisbury ?"
"Oh no.... We've only come to see you ...We'll go home again once we've got our breath back..."
Bless.
"We thought you looked as if you liked books on the television - so we thought you might like to buy some gardening books from us"
"What sort of gardening books?" (Said I, full of energy, enthusiasm and vigour).
"I don't know really.... different sizes and colours..."
"erm... Well how many, and do you know the titles"
"Oh four of five books. One mentions begonias in the title...."
"Ok, well you've driven over from Totton - are they still in the car ?"
"No... we thought we would drive over and see if you were interested - if you want to see them, we can come back with them another day..."
"Well, possibly, I hate to cause people special journeys... Do you often come to Salisbury ?"
"Oh no.... We've only come to see you ...We'll go home again once we've got our breath back..."
Bless.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Bus shelter mentality
I arrived at work at 9.30am this morning.
(Please to remember that the shop opens at 10am).
Man is stood outside peering through the window.
"Ah, at last....About time"
So I let him in, excited by the prospect of seeing some more books
(people who queue outside a closed second hand bookshop early in the morning are ALWAYS selling rather than buying).
He rushes in, and pulls a stool up to the counter and starts whittering away.
I carried on turning on lights etc: trying to open the shop, when he asks me when I am going to stop doing things and listen to him. So I sat down, and asked how I could help.
"Oh I don't want anything....I'm not going to buy anythng .... I have to leave the hostel at 9 am and have no-one to listen to me, so I thought I would come along and chat to you....."
I inwardly sobbed to myself.
(Please to remember that the shop opens at 10am).
Man is stood outside peering through the window.
"Ah, at last....About time"
So I let him in, excited by the prospect of seeing some more books
(people who queue outside a closed second hand bookshop early in the morning are ALWAYS selling rather than buying).
He rushes in, and pulls a stool up to the counter and starts whittering away.
I carried on turning on lights etc: trying to open the shop, when he asks me when I am going to stop doing things and listen to him. So I sat down, and asked how I could help.
"Oh I don't want anything....I'm not going to buy anythng .... I have to leave the hostel at 9 am and have no-one to listen to me, so I thought I would come along and chat to you....."
I inwardly sobbed to myself.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Fount of all knowledge
Young man comes into the shop.
"I want to buy a book to learn stuff"
"What sort of Stuff"
You know .... I want a book to teach me things - can you recommend a book that will give me knowledge"
"Knowledge about what exactly ?"
"Oh everything ......I brought my mum a book for Christmas .. It was on Naturamony"
"Naturamony ?"
"You know - Bones and stuff"
"Ah, anatomy ..... Is she a nurse ?"
"No she works in a cafe... But i liked the pictures of bones and stuff.....
"Has she read it ?"
"She's looked at it... Don't think she's read it. ....... David Ike is good isn't he - he talks a lot of sense - who would have thought the royal family are all aliens"
"Well there are some who would question whether everything David Ike says is true"
"No its true, I saw it in a book - he says you have to wear blue to be safe from the aliens. Thats the sort of knowledge I want to learn"
"Ah sir, you will be needing our paranoid consipracy theory bollocks section then"
"I want to buy a book to learn stuff"
"What sort of Stuff"
You know .... I want a book to teach me things - can you recommend a book that will give me knowledge"
"Knowledge about what exactly ?"
"Oh everything ......I brought my mum a book for Christmas .. It was on Naturamony"
"Naturamony ?"
"You know - Bones and stuff"
"Ah, anatomy ..... Is she a nurse ?"
"No she works in a cafe... But i liked the pictures of bones and stuff.....
"Has she read it ?"
"She's looked at it... Don't think she's read it. ....... David Ike is good isn't he - he talks a lot of sense - who would have thought the royal family are all aliens"
"Well there are some who would question whether everything David Ike says is true"
"No its true, I saw it in a book - he says you have to wear blue to be safe from the aliens. Thats the sort of knowledge I want to learn"
"Ah sir, you will be needing our paranoid consipracy theory bollocks section then"
Stardom
I have been abused with many insults in my short life. Mangy mutt, tatty dog, useless hound etc: etc: But now I have been called a Media Whore - I am deeply insulted.
However, following my tv piece - I have had my first ever item of fanmail ! A nice lady in Havant wants to send me a book to pass on to a good home (I had hoped for biscuits or treats - but a nice letter and a book are better than nothing!) and Fred Dinage said I was a lovely Mutt !!!
However, following my tv piece - I have had my first ever item of fanmail ! A nice lady in Havant wants to send me a book to pass on to a good home (I had hoped for biscuits or treats - but a nice letter and a book are better than nothing!) and Fred Dinage said I was a lovely Mutt !!!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Too much information ?
Guy comes in - also the worst for drink (Must be a day for it), and asks if I buy books.
"Sometimes", say I "What sort of books are they"
"Oh I don't know, all sorts" He replied "How much will you pay me for them"
"I would have to see them, it varys from a pound or so, up to a few thousand, usually the former"
"But you must be able to give me some idea - can't you guess?"
Pah.
"Sometimes", say I "What sort of books are they"
"Oh I don't know, all sorts" He replied "How much will you pay me for them"
"I would have to see them, it varys from a pound or so, up to a few thousand, usually the former"
"But you must be able to give me some idea - can't you guess?"
Pah.
Windy
Old chap looking distinctly dishevelled, and somewhat worse for drink wanders into the shop.
He asks where the Dylan Thomas is kept.
I show him the appropriate area, and start to help him look for some.
After a few minutes, he comments, "Oh well, I'm not going to buy any, I'm just coming in to shelter from the wind and rain."
He asks where the Dylan Thomas is kept.
I show him the appropriate area, and start to help him look for some.
After a few minutes, he comments, "Oh well, I'm not going to buy any, I'm just coming in to shelter from the wind and rain."
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Too expensive ?
The gentleman in this afternoon was nothing if not optomistic.
First he spent 20 minutes looking through a £120 book on local history (lots of money - but it is charity and council records and accounts from 150 years ago - printed at the time for the official record etc: Not a common piece!!)
Secondly, he came up to the counter and announce "Yes, I think I shall take this one off your hands.... Discount for cash ?"
Much as I detest haggling, I have little choice, so I ask him what he had in mind, and he offers me £10.
When I finish choking to death, I point out that he is looking for a rather large discount. Of course he had thought that the book was £12.
At this point, he doesn't seem at all perplexed. "Never mind", he said, "Can you just photocopy the pages I want then please...."
Sadly, I was forced to decline.
First he spent 20 minutes looking through a £120 book on local history (lots of money - but it is charity and council records and accounts from 150 years ago - printed at the time for the official record etc: Not a common piece!!)
Secondly, he came up to the counter and announce "Yes, I think I shall take this one off your hands.... Discount for cash ?"
Much as I detest haggling, I have little choice, so I ask him what he had in mind, and he offers me £10.
When I finish choking to death, I point out that he is looking for a rather large discount. Of course he had thought that the book was £12.
At this point, he doesn't seem at all perplexed. "Never mind", he said, "Can you just photocopy the pages I want then please...."
Sadly, I was forced to decline.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Silly Boy
Student walks into the shop.
" I am a drama and film studies at the local college.
We want to film a fight scene in a library, but the college won't let us use theirs. Could I borrow about a thousand books for a week or so. I'll bring them back. "
Now guess whether I said yes or no to him.......
" I am a drama and film studies at the local college.
We want to film a fight scene in a library, but the college won't let us use theirs. Could I borrow about a thousand books for a week or so. I'll bring them back. "
Now guess whether I said yes or no to him.......
Silly Woman
A very silly woman came into the shop.
I knew that she was very silly when she asked "Do you have all sorts of books or just particular ones" (it took me a while to get it.... Or rather it took me a while to realise that there was nothing to get!)
She then says "Oh they are very expensive aren't they!" I replied that some of them are, and asked which she meant, and she said that the paperback she was holding was £1.50. I said that wasn't much, and she told me that she never pays more than 50p in charity shops for books.
I asked her to tell me which charity shops, as I would go there and buy some at once, which reminded me that unlike them, I had to buy all of my stock, pay my staff, market rent, rates etc: Eating occasionally would be nice too.
She left.
I knew that she was very silly when she asked "Do you have all sorts of books or just particular ones" (it took me a while to get it.... Or rather it took me a while to realise that there was nothing to get!)
She then says "Oh they are very expensive aren't they!" I replied that some of them are, and asked which she meant, and she said that the paperback she was holding was £1.50. I said that wasn't much, and she told me that she never pays more than 50p in charity shops for books.
I asked her to tell me which charity shops, as I would go there and buy some at once, which reminded me that unlike them, I had to buy all of my stock, pay my staff, market rent, rates etc: Eating occasionally would be nice too.
She left.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Yuk
Man walks into the shop and farts.
Thats it.
Doesn't even look embarrassed - he is still here, just looking at the books - pretending it hasn't happened.
Dilemma......
It is now horrible and smelly in my shop - he is still here. Do I acknowledge the fetid production of his nether regions by lighting an incense stick - or do I hold out and hope.
It's no good - the incense is calling.... I can't go on....... this may be my last post......
Thats it.
Doesn't even look embarrassed - he is still here, just looking at the books - pretending it hasn't happened.
Dilemma......
It is now horrible and smelly in my shop - he is still here. Do I acknowledge the fetid production of his nether regions by lighting an incense stick - or do I hold out and hope.
It's no good - the incense is calling.... I can't go on....... this may be my last post......
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Genuine Rant
Ok - so this one isn't an amusing anecdote. Nor are they rest you are probably thinking - but I don't care (mentally sticking out tongue. Now there is an emoticon in need of invention).
I was assisting the local Oxfam this morning. Those who know me will appreciate that Oxfam are not my favourite charity - but never mind. As I arrived to chat to their assistant manager - who also works in my shop, and as they are throwing out the unwanted donations / rubbish, I assist in moving the sacks. There are 32 sacks of waste. As I am moving them, it is obvious that several of them are books and magazines, others are full of china, glass etc:
When I mention to him that he still isn't recycling this stuff - he just grunts a "Oh it's too much effort - we can't be bothered. If you care that much write to someone" This is a week after I had explained to him that he could get FREE salvage stickers from the council, and that all he had to do was seperate the stuff out and stick a sticker on the bag. Aparrently there are no policies for the organisation to make them recycle.
Seeth seeth seeth. Is this a sacking offense ? It would be in my shop! I am outraged (but sadly not suprised) that a corporate charity that claims to be so PC and there for the poor / oppressed / third world, can really not care about the environment or recycling basic stuff that they throw out.
They shan't be getting any more donations from me!!!
I was assisting the local Oxfam this morning. Those who know me will appreciate that Oxfam are not my favourite charity - but never mind. As I arrived to chat to their assistant manager - who also works in my shop, and as they are throwing out the unwanted donations / rubbish, I assist in moving the sacks. There are 32 sacks of waste. As I am moving them, it is obvious that several of them are books and magazines, others are full of china, glass etc:
When I mention to him that he still isn't recycling this stuff - he just grunts a "Oh it's too much effort - we can't be bothered. If you care that much write to someone" This is a week after I had explained to him that he could get FREE salvage stickers from the council, and that all he had to do was seperate the stuff out and stick a sticker on the bag. Aparrently there are no policies for the organisation to make them recycle.
Seeth seeth seeth. Is this a sacking offense ? It would be in my shop! I am outraged (but sadly not suprised) that a corporate charity that claims to be so PC and there for the poor / oppressed / third world, can really not care about the environment or recycling basic stuff that they throw out.
They shan't be getting any more donations from me!!!
Do people listen
I arrived at the shop at 9.45am this morning. The shop opens at 10am - there was already a woman stood outside in the rain - so I knew she would be trying to sell rather than buy, and that I wouldn't want it. (No-one has EVER queued up outside to purchase, and the quality of the books from those who do wait are ALWAYS appalling).
As I come in, there are very well spoken mutterings of "about time, I have been waiting in the rain for ages"
"Well I don't open until ten" I reply, but she barges past anyway, with a "20 minutes I've been stood there. Now - I've to sell you some books"
"What sort of books" quoth I, with a heavy heart and dripping coat.
"Oh, I don't know - all sorts - my aunt has died, and I'm clearing them out - there's thousands of them."
"we only buy certain kinds of books...."
"there are hundreds of pristine Readers Digest condensed volumes and paperbacks."
"I'm sorry" I reply "We don't buy Readers Digest or paperbacks - I just can't sell them....."
She interrupts with a "I don't expect a fortune for them, a couple of pounds each will be fine, there's a lot of beautiful book club boos as Well"
"I can't sell those either I'm afraid. It doesn't sound as if there are any there for me."
"Nonsense - I'll drop them off, and you can look through them all, pay me for the good ones, and then you can dispose of the rest."
Stifling a more appropriate response, I explain that I don't do that, as I would be flooded with unwanted books in the shop. If she wanted to drive past with them in the car, I could have a quick look and buy the odd one that was suitable, but I didn't hold out much hope.
"Oh no" she replies - "I can't be bothered with that - then I would have to dispose of the rest of them"
And with that she swept out of the shop.
As I come in, there are very well spoken mutterings of "about time, I have been waiting in the rain for ages"
"Well I don't open until ten" I reply, but she barges past anyway, with a "20 minutes I've been stood there. Now - I've to sell you some books"
"What sort of books" quoth I, with a heavy heart and dripping coat.
"Oh, I don't know - all sorts - my aunt has died, and I'm clearing them out - there's thousands of them."
"we only buy certain kinds of books...."
"there are hundreds of pristine Readers Digest condensed volumes and paperbacks."
"I'm sorry" I reply "We don't buy Readers Digest or paperbacks - I just can't sell them....."
She interrupts with a "I don't expect a fortune for them, a couple of pounds each will be fine, there's a lot of beautiful book club boos as Well"
"I can't sell those either I'm afraid. It doesn't sound as if there are any there for me."
"Nonsense - I'll drop them off, and you can look through them all, pay me for the good ones, and then you can dispose of the rest."
Stifling a more appropriate response, I explain that I don't do that, as I would be flooded with unwanted books in the shop. If she wanted to drive past with them in the car, I could have a quick look and buy the odd one that was suitable, but I didn't hold out much hope.
"Oh no" she replies - "I can't be bothered with that - then I would have to dispose of the rest of them"
And with that she swept out of the shop.
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